Woodbridge T-0737 Integrated Bidet Toilet Review

February 18, 2019 by @elioverbey

An integrated bidet toilet for less than $1000? Get out of here, man!

It’s true, the Woodbridge T-0737 is a wonderful integrated bidet toilet and yes, it really costs less than $1000.

The Woodbridge T-0737 isn’t a true integrated bidet in the purest sense of the word, as the toilet and bidet (model BDI-01)are two separate pieces that are sold individually and can be paired with other pieces.

That being said, these two can be had as a package deal and fit so well together that they may as well work as an integrated unit.

Why buy the Woodbridge T-0737 integrated bidet?

The features:

Beautiful modern design that makes for easy cleaning.
1.0/1.6 gallon flush options help save water.
The BDI-01 bidet kicks serious booty and is made for Woodbridge one-piece toilets.
Front and rear wash modes.
Stainless steel, self-cleaning nozzle
Heated seats and instantaneous and unlimited warm water.
Warm air dryer.
Oscillating and pulsating functions.
Filtered water.
Wireless remote.

The good:

Beautiful design of both toilet and bidet.
Bidet fits the toilet perfectly.
Bidet feels solid on the toilet.
Skirted design allows for effortless cleaning.
Dual flush modes saves water.
Easy installation as long as you’re strong enough to move the thing.
Very affordable.
Flushing system wets entire bowl, eliminating any cling-ons.

The bad:

A night light would have really set this unit apart.

The Woodbridge T-0737 integrated bidet makes a great case for integrated toilet bidets that aren’t actually one piece. A bidet made for a specific set of toilets really works well when purchased together, both in looks and in function.

TOTO S350/S550 Review

May 29, 2018 by @elioverbey

To our readers: The TOTO S350 is being discontinued shortly and will be replaced with the TOTO S550. Both bidets come with all the same features, although the S550 has had a redesign (which I love) of both the washlet and the remote. There have also been some slight changes under the hood, which I’ll get to later in the review. As far as features go, however, you can consider this review applicable to both bidet models.

The King of Bidets? Bow to the TOTO S550.

TOTO know a thing or two about making bidet toilet seats. They coined the term “washlet” and were one of the first companies to start making electronic bidet seats which allow any toilet to evolve into a wondrous, ass-polishing throne.

The TOTO S550 is TOTO’s newest and most feature-packed bidet seat.

Having been in the bidet scene since its inception, TOTO have been steadily reworking their bidets to continually be at the forefront of bidet technology and trends.

Before we get into anything else, let’s take a peek a what’s going to immediately jump out as one of the more unique features of the S550: its Ewater+.

See up-to-the-minute pricing HERE.

What is Ewater+ and how does it set the S550 apart from other bidet seats?

Ewater+ is electrolyzed water which acts as a very effective cleaning and disinfecting solution. According to Wikipedia, electrolyzed water is water which has had an electric current run through it. Doing this produces a solution of hypochlorous acid and sodium hydroxide, which is apparently great at cleaning poo from toilet bowls.

The TOTO S550 will spray the bowl with a mist of Ewater+ as soon as you sit down as well as once you get up. In practice, this keeps your bowl lookin cool, clean, and absent of little poop dudes. Thank god for not having to reach for the dirty toilet bowl scrubber.

Also, the TOTO S550 will use this Ewater+ to clean the nozzle before and after each use. Talk about clean!

Note: this solution is NOT used for cleaning YOU. Just the toilet bowl and nozzle.

Next up on features unique to the TOTO S550 is its auto open and close lid.

This might not immediately seem like a feature that makes you think “Huh, I NEED that!” but after seeing it in action, I promise you, your mind is gonna change.

The auto-open and close of the TOTO S550 makes you feel like royalty as the seat invites you to take a seat, take a load off, drop a deuce, etc.

This is the last step in making the ancient human process of poopin’ totally hands-free. No need to touch the seat, no need to wipe, no need to dry.

Be confident that your phone most certainly WON’T be giving you pink-eye as long as the kids don’t get ahold of it.

Now, some have complained in the past about the S350’s auto open and close being a bit too sensitive and opening when someone simply walked past the bathroom. The S550 has fixed this issue by making the sensor a little less sensitive and now opens only when you approach the front of your throne.

The TOTO S550 can be programmed to open the lid, or both the lid and seat automatically when you approach. Also, if you’re a dude and only the lid opens and you don’t plan on taking a seat, a simple press on the remote can lift the seat as well. This works in the opposite way as well, so the ladies can put just the seat down if both seat and lid are both left open.

The S550’s nightlight. Not your typical glowing blue bowl.

The TOTO S550's nightlight emits a soft glow around your toilet.

Let there be light!

I should start this section by admitting that I love a glowing blue toilet bowl. I don’t know what it is, maybe it’s the feeling of being a futuristic Blade Runner about to “eliminate some replicants” (poop) or what, but those glowing blues just GET ME.

Despite all that, I love the S550’s nightlight. It’s miles more practical than a glowing blue bowl, as it softly illuminates the area around the toilet.

Ok, how about the actual bidet features?

Well, in addition to the above features which are quite unique to the TOTO S550, this washlet also packs top-of-the-line cleaning and comfort features.

The bidet feature itself is totally customizable in terms of pressure, position and temperature.

It also has a pulsating mode, oscillating mode and the option to switch the feminine cleansing from a narrow to a wide spray.

Also, the S550 packs one of the most effective warm air dryers around. Like we said earlier, this helps provide a totally hands-free experience.

The new, slim remote

All of these functions work as you’d imagine – they get you clean and transform your daily booty-duty into an almost too-relaxing spa-like visit.

Now, TOTO has also made sure to make the use of the S550 as comfortable as possible.

Heated seats, a deodorizer and instantaneously heated water (no bulky, slow-heating reservoir here) make the S550 so comfortable and satisfying to use, you’re never going to want to leave your throne.

How is this thing different from the S350?

The Contemporary lid sports a smoother, more contoured appearance, whereas the Classic style leaves a small lip.

Glad you asked!

Perhaps the most striking difference is in appearance.

TOTO have given the S550 the option to be purchased in either the classic or contemporary style.

I much prefer the contemporary style, although your mileage may vary.

Also changed was the remote. TOTO has made a much slimmer, easier to hold design.

As mentioned earlier, the internal sensors controlling the auto-open and close feature have been tweaked as to not be as sensitive as they were in the S350. This works quite well and cuts down on unintentional openings of the lid/seat.

In addition, TOTO have done what they can to make the unit more energy efficient and better performing. The heated seats will heat up significantly faster than those on the S350 and use less power in doing so.

In the end, the TOTO S550 is the best bidet by the best bidet company in the world. If you truly want the best of the best, this is it.

An exceptionally clean, autonomous, customized cleaning experience each and every time you use it.

I’ll leave you with this: Imagine waking up, the clock reads an annoying 5:25. You need to go. You get out of your cozy bed and make the short trek to the bathroom. The walls are softly illuminated by the TOTO’s ever vigilant nightlight as the room is still dark in its predawn mystery. The lid lifts itself up as you get near and you can almost hear it whisper “come hither, let go of the past”.

As the lid completes its ascent skyward, you sense exaltation in the air (or maybe it’s the Ewater+ premist?), an electric feeling runs down your spine. “Ah, hello again” you think to yourself.

You gaze into the completely white bowl and catch a glimpse of your reflection in the softly rippling water as the premist gently runs down the sides of the bowl, bringing with it a promise of eternal sanitation. You come to realize you are a living, sovereign entity which has agency and the ability to change the world around you.

Finally, you sit. The seat is warm, comforting, bringing the same womb-like calm and security as sleeping in the fetal position covered in down blankets on a crisp autumn night.

True, by Spandau Ballet starts playing… or does it? Is it all in your head? Nevermind.

You poop.

The deodorizer has been faintly, tenderly whirring since you took your seat, banishing your regrets and insecurities into the void of the vast, endless universe.

Feeling a sense of enormous well-being, you reach for the remote, “My scepter” you think, giggling quietly to yourself.

“Initiate cleaning” you whisper to no one as you press User Profile #1. The TOTO S550 doesn’t judge.

Warm water greets you. The oscillation function starts, adding its own reserved mechanical melody to the symphony of dripping water and the deodorizer’s indefatigable hum.

As the process nears its conclusion, you think about everything you’ve done to get here. Everthing we’ve done. Humanity. Life. Existence.

In the 13.7 billion year history of the universe, you exist at this moment. Less than a flash, shorter than an instant. This slice of reality is yours and you inhabit it fully although you sometimes waver about its importance; but in this moment you’re sure it has meaning.

The dryer turns on and strongly but oh-so-lightly pulls you back into the bathroom.

The warm air, grandma’s flower garden in the last month of summer.

You feel clean. Not only physically. You’re clean, you’re clean.

You regain your feet and head back to the bedroom. You look back, unsure why. You hear the deodorizer start its lazy return to “off”, accompanied by the familiar and satisfying hydraulic squirt and gurgle of the Ewater+ misting the bowl; ever cleaning, ever protecting.

As you slide back into bed to get that useless hour more of sleep, you feel the sheets regaining their warmth. It’s pleasant. Your eyes close with purpose only to open an hour later.

Somehow you don’t feel tired like you knew you would. You feel alive.

Brondell Thinline SimpleSpa – Review

November 28, 2017 by @elioverbey

Brondell Thinline SimpleSpa

Ridiculously inexpensive, smartly designed and simply effective.

More photos and the current price.

A quick look at the pros and cons of Brondell's newest bidet attachment.

Pros: ☑ Some of the most durable valves available - no risk of leaking. ☑ Looks fantastic compared to most other bidet attachments. ☑ Thin enough to not cause toilet seat tilt. ☑ Easy installation. ☑ Cheap	Cons: ☒ Only one nozzle means some shifting is required for a feminine cleanse. ☒ Lack of warm water may bother those sensitive to cold water.
Breakdown Features: 7.0 Components: 9.0 Usage: 8.5 Misc: Bonus for its sleek appearance. Total: 8.8	Bottom Line A classic bidet attachment with modern looks. Don't expect to be blown away by its features list and stay away if warm water and feminine cleansings are a must, but Brondell has nailed the basic bidet attachment. You'd be hard pressed to find a comparably sexy and functional bidet at this price point.

First, the basics:

This is a bidet attachment, not a full bidet seat.
There is one nozzle for posterior cleaning.
It has a manual nozzle cleaning function.
It houses the nozzle behind a guard piece to keep it clean and sanitary for each use.
The nozzle automatically retracts after you finish using it.
Non-electric (uses only your home’s water pressure to operate).
It will fit virtually almost all two-piece toilets.
It comes in white only.
You will need a screwdriver and possibly a wrench to install.
The water pressure is controlled by twisting a knob.
- Twist right for rear wash, left for nozzle cleaning.
One-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Pros:

Extremely robust, durable brass and ceramic valves.
- It’s no surprise that Brondell has included a proprietary, high-quality valve in their new Bidet attachment. After being in the industry for so long now, the folks over at Brondell have a good idea of what their customers expect.
A unique silhouette.
- Forgoing the traditional egg-shaped control area of most other bidet attachments, Brondell has followed in the footsteps of GenieBidet and the Tushy by prioritizing the look of the unit – leaving us with a very attractive and distinctive model.
Extremely thin.
- Brondell has made a point of making sure this bidet attachment doesn’t throw off the zen of your bathroom experience in any way by making an attachment that sits very comfortably under the lid of your toilet without that classic bidet attachment tilt you might experience with other bidets.
Easy to install.
- Like most bidet attachments, it will take around ten minutes to install.
- Can be adjusted to fit nearly any toilet. Brondell uses adjustable plates with slots to ensure it will fit no matter the dimensions of your seat’s attachment (as long as it is a two-piece toilet).
An one-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Cons:

No warm water option.
- Definitely an issue if you live in colder areas. The icy blast of H2O up the wazoo can be startling at best, an icy terror at worst.
Only one nozzle.
- For men, no issue at all, but for women looking for a more sanitary rear AND frontal cleanse, this could be an issue. Some scooting and shifting around solves the problem, but there are definitely other bidets which may not be quite as sexy, but can deliver frontal and rear cleansing for the same price.

Final Thoughts:

Brondell is upping their bidet attachment game and certainly raising the bar for many of the other companies who’ve been content with the same, tired designs for years now. This bidet would suit those who are looking for an inexpensive, sleek looking bidet. If you don’t mind seasonally chilly water or shifting around a bit to get a proper feminine cleanse, definitely consider the Slimline. If not, consider looking at the GenieBidet for a dual nozzle model (feminine and rear cleansing but trades the warm water feature for sheer sexiness) or the Luxe Neo 320 for a fully featured, if somewhat dated looking attachment.

Check out the Brondell Slimline’s price HERE.

Which Bidet Seat / Washlet is the Best in 2018?

August 29, 2017 by @elioverbey

2017 has faded into yesteryear and we are finally warming up into the spring of 2018, but many of last year’s best bidets are still just that… The best bidets.

Take a look at what reigned supreme last year in these two categories:

Best Overall

Best Bang For Your Buck.

Best Bidets 2018

These bidets are the premium, no holds barred whizzes that will vie with your children and pets for attention. These beasts not only tickle the fancies of premium gadget-lovers, but also those who have an affinity for strong construction and high quality materials.

Brondell Swash 1400

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This bidet suits couples and families who are willing to spend a fair amount for a durable, attractive bidet that should last many many years.

It covers all the bases when it comes to multi-user usage – a rear and (improved from the Swash 1000) feminine wand as well as an auto wash and dry mode that is great for kids.

This bidet is also perfect for those who simply want the best, no matter the expense. Brondell is a very well regarded company and this is their flagship bidet seat that compromises on very little.

Brondell has been in the Game of Bidets since 2003 and has consistently been one of the top manufacturers of washlets in the United States. With their new Swash 1400 bidet seat, Brondell have proven why they are held in such high regard among us bidetophiles (there are dozens of us!).

The Brondell Swash 1400 washlet bidet seat comes in two colors, white and biscuit.

Biscuit on the left, white on the right.

Designed with North American toilets in mind, the Swash 1400 should fit nearly any elongated or round toilet in the USA in terms of size, shape and color (it comes in both white and an off-white cutely labeled as ‘biscuit’).

Its smooth, contoured lines help the 1400 beautifully pair with any toilet and any bathroom.

In addition, the power cord and hose can be hidden away in a compartment in the rear of the seat, which will keep your bathroom from looking like the elastic jungle in Nickelodeon’s GUTS.

Along with its extremely sexy looks, the Swash 1400 packs an incredible features list that has nearly everything a bidet seat could possibly have.

It sports:

Two stainless steel wands (for both posterior and feminine cleansing) that resist corrosion, bacteria and virus contamination.

Adjustable spray width that allows a concentrated stream for those extra clingy peanut butter episodes to a much wider spray for gentle cleaning of a larger area and also a setting between the two for that Goldilocks in the family. This is a very impressive feature and a remarkable piece of engineering.

An easily replaceable and surprisingly effective deodorizer whisk the smells of last night’s digested lasagna through an activated carbon filter, providing astoundingly breathable air. This is a major upgrade from the older Swash 1000 model which didn’t allow for user replacement of the filter.

A warm air dryer for a completely hands-off, butt-cleaning experience.

A blue night light to help you find the pot in the middle of the night.

Programmable settings for up to two users to eliminate having to adjust the settings to your liking after Uncle John messed them all up when he had his morning BM. There is also an “auto” mode which will run through a full cleaning and drying cycle so anyone can easily experience the splendor of a completely clean tooter.

Remote control and magnetic docking station keeps your remote control easily accessible.

Ceramic core heating system allows for instant and unlimited warm/hot water. This system is remarkably effective and outclasses most other on-demand heating systems available from other brands.

The only gripe I have with this bidet seat is the lack of a pulsating spray feature (great for relief of constipation).

All in all, this bidet sets the bar at a lofty height and ticks nearly all the boxes any great bidet should be striving to fill. It’s built with quality materials and sounds construction, the features are all useful and lastly, it looks absolutely fantastic on any toilet.

TOTO Washlet S350e

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This is the perfect bidet for those who want a more automated, smart-toilet experience. Features such as the auto open/close lid and the ewater+ bowl misting (essentially cleans your toilet bowl periodically throughout the day) truly project the feeling of living in the future.

The S350 is absolutely packed to the rim with technology fit to impress Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. It is truly the Tesla of Toilets.

Much like the Brondell, the S350 suits multiple user households, however it isn’t quite as child friendly as the Brondell with no auto wash/dry cycle button. If you have young children and want them initiated into the Bidet Club, then the S350 might make it a smidge more difficult.

Once again, this bidet is for those who want the absolute best in class when it comes to bidets. The TOTO S350 even outclasses the Brondell in the sheer volume of features. Read on and decide for yourself if they’re worth it.

It’s just so slim!

TOTO is probably the name most people think of when electronic bidet seats or washlets are mentioned. As a matter of fact, TOTO coined the term “washlet” in 1980 and has sold 30 million of them since.

Unlike the Brondell Swash 1400, the TOTO S350 hasn’t been designed with the North American bathroom in mind.

However, don’t let that deter you, as toilet sizes/shapes as well as connections are pretty universal and the S350 is available in both round and elongated versions (the “e” in the S350e stands for the elongated version).

This washlet is slim and somehow houses all of its tricks inside a shell only 3.9 inches high.

While (in my opinion) not as stylish as the Brondell, the TOTO does just as good of a job at keeping your bathroom looking neat and tidy, with both water and electric attachments coming from the right side of the washlet, allowing for easy cable management.

Now, on to the MASSIVE features list. Hold onto yer butts.

It sports:

One adjustable plastic wand which may seem like a huge step down from the Brondell’s two stainless steel nozzles (which I prefer), but TOTO’s inclusion of an advanced water electrolysis system makes up for it (more on that, later!).

The soft exterior night-light is visible on the left side of the unit.

ewater+ water electrolysis system creates electrolysed water which, according to Wikipedia is “a known cleanser and disinfectant / sanitizer.” This water is used to spray both your bowl and the plastic nozzle, cleaning much more effectively than standard tap water.

Automatic open/close lid will allow for a completely hands-free experience and is just pretty damn futuristic when you actually experience it. It’s as if the toilet has been waiting excitedly for you to mount and make your daily doody deposit. For those of us that pee whilst standing, a button on the top of the remote can also raise the seat.

Wider “Soft Rear Cleanse” option which widens the spray to provide a less direct, more soothing spray for sensitive heinies.

A night light built into the side of the toilet will illuminate the area to the left of the toilet as well as the bowl, like the Brondell. The soft light on the side is actually quite useful and gives the TOTO the edge over the Swash 1400 in this category.

Programmable settings for up to two users – just like the Brondell.

Remote control which features a very basic (in a good way) front panel with the most frequently used options – front and rear cleanse, dryer and the stop button. On the sides are buttons to control the pressure, wand position and to toggle the oscillating and pulsating features. The back of the remote has a somewhat old-school LCD panel for controlling temperature (water and dryer), adjusting the lighting options and creating user profiles.

The deodorizer will keep your bathroom smelling less crappy. While not quite as effective as the Brondell’s, you don’t need to replace it as often and can simply clean the filter occasionally.

On demand hot water much like the Brondell. Water is not stored and heated in a reservoir, but instantly heated as it passes from your water supply, through the unit to bathe your bum in perfectly warm water every time you use it.

Bowl premist uses the ewater+ to mist the bowl when you sit down to grease up the bowl to prevent unsightly poo-stains. The unit also sprays after each use and intermittently throughout the day to keep it noticeably cleaner. This is about as close as you’re going to get to a mini Roomba (Poomba, anyone?) that cleans your toilet bowl.

A warm air dryer. Does what is says…eventually. Like most bidet seats, the dryer is essentially a slightly better bathroom hand dryer, so don’t expect a bone-dry ass in fewer than two or three minutes.

With every conceivable feature packed into one of the smallest electric bidets on the market, the only issue with the TOTO S350 is it’s price. If that doesn’t bother you and you’re in the market for an electric bidet seat, then you better hurry up and buy this thing because you will certainly get what you paid for.

Best Budget Bidets 2018

These are the Honda Civics of bidets. They balance price to performance by sacrificing some of the bells and whistles of their more expensive counterparts. For most users, you probably won’t need more than what these wonderful bidets have to offer.

Novita Slimline BN-330

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This bidet seat packs many of the features of more pricey models (including on-demand heated water!!!) for less than half the price. It’s also quite attractive for its price point as well as slim (who woulda guessed with a name like that).

The major missing feature here would be a deodorizer, so, if that doesn’t bug you and you simply want a bidet that cleans your ass and cleans it well, consider the Novita Slimline.

Novita is a a subsidiary of Kohler, whom you may have heard of. Novita is one of South Korea’s leading bidet manufacturers and has a long and established track record dating back to its founding in 1984.

With the Slimline BN-330, Novita has really taken their engineering to another level and have been able to inexpensively create an electric bidet seat which has a very small form factor and includes nearly all the key features of much more expensive bidets.

Lacking a remote (the bidet is controlled with an attached side panel, instead) and a deodorizer, this bidet has cut a few corners to bring you the best butt-blasting experience for a bargain price.

Read on to see what features you get with the Novita Slimline.

It sports:

Two stainless steel wands is an impressive package for a bargain bidet to come packing. Seperate nozzles for rear and frontal cleansing make sure that each area gets that nice does of TLC that it deserves.

Instantaneous heating system provides warm water on demand and doesn’t ever run out, unlike a reservoir system which might come up short in multi-user households. I feel like it is worth noting that most other bidets in this price range feature a tank-reservoir system and Novita is really giving users a wonderful feature for such a low cost.

A warm air dryer is another nice feature that many budget-friendly bidets lack. Although, as always, don’t expect it to blow you away and prepare to wait a little while if you want a truly TP-less experience.

Strong, sit-able lid gives peace-of-mind to those who often find themselves seated on the lid applying those final touches of makeup, drying their hair or whatever else.

Oscillation and aeration make for a very pleasant cleaning experience. The oscillating nozzles can cover a larger area and more easily provide that spotless butt that we’ve all been seeking. The aerated water gives the stream a more gentle feeling with less splash and splatter.

Feast your eyes on those smooth lines.

For what it costs, the Novita Slimline provides such a huge value that it’s almost impossible for a beginner bidet-er to pass up. The instantaneous hot water and the Novita’s striking appearance are the two best features and are already close to covering the cost of admission. Don’t forget to check out our full review of the Novita Slimline!

TOTO Washlet C100

First things first, who is this bidet for?

Oh boy, this bidet is for almost anyone.

Really, this thing is just great and is a legend in the world of bidets.

Get this bidet if you want all the features of a much more expensive bidet minus instantaneous heating. If you live in a house where multiple people use the toilet in quick succession, then the tank-heating might be an issue, but if you have a small number of people in your home, then this bidet could fulfill all your wildest toilet fantasies.

Once again, TOTO brings another titan into the neverending battle of the bidets. With all its years of experience designing and manufacturing bidets, TOTO has been able to somehow slip so many features into this bad boy that it’ll blow your freaking mind.

Containing everything but instantaneous water heating, the TOTO C100 gives other bidets in higher price ranges a serious run for their money.

This is another remote-less bidet seat, opting instead for a connected side panel. This might turn a few people off, but in all honesty, I really like the look of it on this TOTO.

It really makes you feel like you’re in a futuristic Tokyo restroom taking the best dump of your life.

Here are all the features this jack-of-all-trades bidet dude brings to the table.

It sports:

One plastic wand nozzle which can clean both front and rear areas effectively due to its multiple nozzles.

Tank-reservoir heating system utilizes a large tank to hold and heat water – even when you aren’t using the toilet – so that you will, in most cases, have a decent supply of warm water ready to go.

In special circumstances (house-wide food poisoning, anyone?) where there is a mad run on the bathroom, the tank might deplete it’s warm water supply under heavy use.

In this case, you might have to deal with some lukewarm or even chilly water. Barring acts of God like that, however, the C100 should have sufficient hot water.

A warm air dryer is packed into the rear of the seat and does just as well as more expensive bidets at completely drying you off sometime before your 100th birthday.

A deodorizer has also found a home in the C100. Somehow, the brains at TOTO found a way to squash both a dryer and deodorizer into this absurdly cheap bidet.

Premist bowl-spraying just like its more expensive siblings. The premist does a surprisingly good job of keeping the toilet clean and I think it’s a very worthwhile feature.

Oscillating cleanse. Like nearly all bidet seats, the TOTO C100 has an oscillating cleaning function to sweep the area with water to fully blast any and all nooks and crannies where turds may be trying to hide.

With high-end features like a dryer, deodorizer and a pre-mist function, the TOTO C100 clearly punches well above its weight. Once again, the only thing holding it back is the lack of an on-demand water heating system, but that shouldn’t be an issue in most cases. Read our TOTO C100 Review and our TOTO C100 vs. the TOTO C200 Head to Head.

All in all, there are many many bidets out there, and they’re all competing for your hard earned cash. I hope this guide will help you narrow down your choices to the electric bidets that I believe outrank the rest in their respective categories. Hopefully now you have a bit more confidence in selecting a bidet so that you can ditch the TP and toilet seat and start pooping like a king.

As always, comments are very appreciated. Any bidet you’d like to see reviewed or do you think a different bidet should occupy one of these spots?

Let me know, I’d love to heard from you.

Cheers, and happy bidet-ing.

If you’re more interested in bidet attachments, come see our list of the best of the bunch.

Top 5 Ways to Effortlessly Upgrade Your Bathroom

July 9, 2017 by @elioverbey

You’ve decked out your living space in all the fineries you could possibly need. An OLED TV, check; a badass blender with blades reconstituted from dragon teeth, check; a fabulous grill capable of tickling the fancy of a Viking lord of old, also, check.

Many times, the only room in our castles not getting its fair share of love is our throne room. Now, why anyone would want to neglect the place where they feel relief, get clean and watch more cat gifs than in their office is beyond me. This short list will hopefully inspire some of you to give your bathroom a desperately needed upgrade while not requiring hours of labor, sweaty construction workers (although we love our sweaty, nimble friends) or breaking the bank.

#1. A Bidet

Yeah, you guessed it. How could bidets not fill the top spot on our list? A device that not only chips away the nastiness of post-deucedom, but one that instills in its user a feeling of confidence, even on the hottest, muggiest of days. This isn’t to mention the bidet’s uncanny ability to make house guests feel like giddy lil poopers as they use it and are subsequently wowed by the experience.

Home bidets come in all flavors: from inexpensive bidet attachments which simply bed down under your toilet seat and require nothing but a connection to your water supply to operate, to electric enchanters that not only look cutting edge, but have the suite of features to back up their looks.

These fully featured electric bidets will, in most cases provide most of these features: warm water with temperature control, adjustable pressure, adjustable nozzle position, feminine cleansing, oscillating cleaning function (the nozzle moves back and forth to cover a wider area), a slowly closing lid and seat to avoid that awful, loud banging, and a dryer.

If that doesn’t have you inhaling Metamucil, the features of the upper tier of electric bidets definitely will. They come with deodorizers, bowl pre and post misting to deter the stickiest of turds from hanging on, UV lights to kill bacteria, silver nanoparticles on the nozzles to kill EVEN MORE bacteria, ambient noise generators to muffle your butt-trumpet and more.

A bidet not only transforms your toilet, it can truly bring your whole bathroom into the 21st century.

#2 A Better Shower Head

More than likely, you are still using the shower head that came with the shower (if not, congrats on being ahead of the curve here). Most people never consider changing the shower head as it’s usually “good enough” to squeak by without pissing you off too much and drawing attention to itself as one of your bathroom’s weakest links.

Setups with a mounted, adjustable shower-head as well as a separate, handheld wand are quite popular options. The mounted shower-head can continuously coat you with warm, liquid goodness while you take the fight to the areas that need it most with the handheld wand.

“DreamSpa Instant-Mount Drill-Free Height / Angle Adjustable 36-Setting 3-Way Shower Head / Handheld Shower with 22-Inch Stainless Steel Slide Bar, Chrome Finish“

Yes, that is an actual Amazon listing. Incredible reviews, 36 freaking functions (well, more like 2 shower heads with 7 functions each, including a pause mode) and a surprisingly affordable price. Doesn’t that sound better than what is currently sputtering and unevenly spraying you every day?

Some functions these fancy-schmancy shower heads come packing are: misting spray, high pressure massage, rainfall mode, eco spray, pause mode, anti-microbial coatings, various combinations of the above listed, and yes, even more.

Don’t like the dual shower-head setup? Why not opt for a larger, rainfall head? These are best installed perpendicular to the ground and provide the same feeling as being caught in a downpour (minus your phone getting ruined, the cold and people laughing at you).

#3 A Body Monitor Scale

If you warped into your great grandma’s bathroom of the early 20th century, what kind of scale would she have? If you answered, “Well, pretty much the same one I have!” then it’s time for a major upgrade. The scale of the post WWI era can now measure more than just weight. Plug in a few details about yourself, such as your gender and height, and today’s scale can give you some interesting insight into your late night Doritos binging. Fat %, BMI, visceral fat (ft around your midsection that can squeeze the ever-loving life out of some very important organs if left to run rampant), and your body age. Some scales even come with an app that can streamline track your data automatically.

These scales work by sending electrical pulses through your body (don’t worry, it isn’t like touching the dinosaur paddock in Jurassic Park) and using the time it takes to go from one sensor to the other. Electricity moves more quickly through muscle than fat, so, the longer the signal takes, the higher the fat percentage.

While some of these measurements aren’t as accurate as going to a doctor and having measurements taken, these scales can still provide some worthwhile information. For example, the body fat percentage is liable to give inconsistent readings if you’ve eaten, drank or shat since last using it. However, this can easily be rectified by taking your body scan in the morning after your first pee or poo, before drinking or eating anything. Having constant measuring conditions can give you a reliable measure of changes in body fat (if not an exactly accurate reading).

Overall, if you’re looking to shed some pounds, gain some muscle or just monitor some stats, an electronic body scanning scale is a wonderful way to step up your bathroom game.

#4 A Nebulizing Essential Oil Diffuser

We all like to treat our noses to fine fragrances. Heck, half the time I’m at home alone, sitting in sweatpants , I’ll put on some cologne just because I like the smell.

A bathroom is one of the last places you’d classify as pleasant-smelling. When numerous heaters are being cranked out into the toilet each day, the post-shower smell of your favorite soap quickly becomes the odor of Le’Turd. An essential oil diffuser can do yourself and others a great service by filling the room with something that DOESN’T smell like shit.

Essential oil diffusers fit into two main categories: ultrasonic or nebulizing.

An ultrasonic diffuser is essentially (tehehe) a humidifier that lets the oil hitch a ride on vaporized water particles. These diffusers will scentify the room they’re in for as long as they’re on and a little while afterwards.

A nebulizing diffuser is, like, totally way better. It uses some fancy-pants physics to eject microscopic oil particles into the air which can stay suspended for hours. In my case, my bathroom doesn’t need a humidifier, but does need something to make it smell less like the inside of a diaper after the toilet has been used.

Essential oils come in a variety of scents. From the uber-refreshing, icy cool blast of peppermint oil to the zestiness of lemon and orange oils, there is sure to be something that tickles your fancy.

#5 A Bluetooth Shower Speaker

There’s an episode of the Flintstones where Fred hears Barney singing in the shower, his voice the deep, seductive baritone of a classic 50’s crooner. We all sing better in the shower, and what could possibly help bring out our inner Clay Aiken than a speaker that won’t explode when wet?

Bluetooth speakers have been a staple of modern households for the last decade or so. They provide a simple, convenient way to blast your tunes throughout your house without being tethered to massive, hard to move conventional speakers. Bringing the ballads to the bathroom was the next logical step for those of us who never stop jamming.

A Bluetooth shower speaker can radically improve your morning. Seriously. Imagine taking a shower… Now imagine taking a shower with the Spice Girls in their prime. Yeah, a Bluetooth shower speaker can do that. These speakers not only liven up your showers, they can also mask your farts! About to drop a seismic booty bomb? Pop on Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture and enjoy the challenge of syncing your flatulence to the cannon fire.

COCO Bidet 9500R/RS Review

May 18, 2017 by @elioverbey

The COCO Bidet 9500R/RS