BioBidet BB1000 vs. BB2000. A closer look.

February 6, 2018 by @elioverbey

Ahhhh, BioBidet.

One of the top contenders in the fight to be recognized as the major player in the battle of the bidets.

Along with the likes of TOTO, Brondell, Novita and others, BioBidet is one of the most prominent manufacturers of bidets – both electric and mechanical – and consistently makes innovative, quality bidets.

Two bidets from BioBidet have left lots of people wondering which one provides the best value: the BB1000 and BB2000.

See the current price for the BB1000 and BB2000.

Bottom Line Up Front

To save you a smidge of time, I’ll give you the verdict right off the bat:

The BB2000 is a clear winner in every category. The looks, features and value provided are leagues ahead of the BB1000.

While some of the BB2000’s features aren’t revolutionary, the whole suite is simply a much better package than what you’d get with the BB1000.

Unless you’re truly strapped for cash and have a surprising fondness for the appearance of the BB1000, the BB2000 is definitely the way to go.

Read on to see for yourself how we’ve come to this conclusion.

Major Differences

To make the arduous task of selecting the proper poop-chute shiner a bit more bearable, we’ll start off with the major differences between these titans of tush cleaning.

The Look

The BB1000’s remote (top) looks like an outdated relic compared with the BB2000’s refined lines (bottom).

In my opinion, BioBidet have really missed the mark with the BB1000.

It has been compared to a “medical device fit for a retirement home” and honestly, I agree.

It’s big, bulky, sterile-looking (in a repulsive, hospital kinda way) and so far from sexy that giving it an Ed Hardy sleeveless T-shirt and slathering it in hair gel couldn’t make it look worse.

Even the remote for the BB2000 (you can choose either black or white) looks sleeker and more modern.

The BB2000 however, while not a feast for the eyes, is much more pleasant to behold.

With some nice curves and a slimmer profile due to its lack of a water heating reservoir, the BB2000 is a bidet seat fit for most toilets.

Instantaneous Heating

Besides the look (and majorly contributing it) of the two bidets, the second major difference between them is the BB2000’s instantaneous heating system versus the BB1000’s reservoir heating system.

When it comes to actually using these two systems, you probably won’t notice much of a difference.

The BB1000 has ample water to clean your rear – unless you expect multiple people to be using the seat in quick succession. In that case, the latter users may get the shaft as whoever got in there first has most likely used a good deal of the warm water already.

The BB2000 doesn’t encounter this problem as its water is heated instantly and continuously. Feel euphoric as infinite amounts of warm water caress your ass.

Stainless Steel Nozzle

The BB2000’s stainless steel nozzle is easier to clean and more hygienic.

The BB2000 has a stainless steel nozzle and the BB1000 does not.

In my opinion, a stainless steel nozzle is a feature that any bidet I’m going to buy should have.

Stainless steel is more durable, looks better, is easier to clean and is a more hostile environment for bacteria, viruses and fungi.

Hydro Flush

Cleaning from the inside out, BioBidet claims the BB2000 offers superior hygiene, although the jury is still out on if that’s entirely true.

The BB2000 has this feature, the BB1000 does not. What it is refers to the way the nozzle of the BB2000 is cleaned by blasting water through the nozzle from the inside-out to more thoroughly sterilize it.

This is opposed to the way most other bidets simply run water over the outside of the nozzle to remove any nasty lil-bits that may have found their way onto the nozz.

Now, whether this is actually going to increase the cleanliness of your dump sessions is still up for debate as other bidets without this feature have been sufficiently cleaning asses for many many years without issue.

The bottom line on this feature is: if it makes you feel more comfortable knowing the inside of the nozzle can be cleaned at will, BioBidet’s Hydro Flush feature may be worth it for you.

Belted Nozzle Cleaning

The motorized nozzles on the BB2000 are able to move more precisely and more quickly than other bidet nozzles.

Basically, this means they can quickly shimmy in and out as the outside is being cleaned with water to more throughly remove anything on the outside of the nozzle.

The motor operated nozzle is also able to be more precisely adjusted than other nozzles, although how much this is going to affect your morning session is up for you to decide.

Most bidets have several positions for the wand/nozzle to allow for a customized fit for each user. BioBidet’s motorized nozzle technology on the BB2000 allows for much smaller and more precise adjustments.

If you are unable to shimmy your rear a little bit to accommodate one of the BB1000’s preset nozzle positions, the infinitely adjustable BB2000 may be the bidet seat for you.

Night Light

Cool enough to impress any guest.

This is one of the coolest features of the BB2000. Its cool, blue nightlight illuminates a small control panel on the side of the bidet for easy use even in the darkest, windowless bathrooms.

While it may not seem like a game-changer, a night light really makes your bathroom seem more modern as it is bathed in a calming blue light.

Not only is this useful for your late-night sessions, it’s probably the single most impressive feature for guests who haven’t experienced anything outside of a vanilla toilet.

At the end of the day, it should be obvious to most that the BB2000 is ultimately the better bidet.

As a bidet is a serious investment of money, you really shouldn’t settle for something unless you’re completely satisfied with the features provided.

If all you want is a bum-gun, there are plenty of other, cheaper bidets that fit the bill. Head on over to our reviews of the TOTO C100 and the Novita Slimline for our favorite budget bidets.

If you’re looking for a premium bidet, the BB2000 is a decent offering from BioBidet.

Also, take a peek at our favorite bidets from last year.

Brondell Thinline SimpleSpa – Review

November 28, 2017 by @elioverbey

Brondell Thinline SimpleSpa

Ridiculously inexpensive, smartly designed and simply effective.

More photos and the current price.

A quick look at the pros and cons of Brondell's newest bidet attachment.

Pros: ☑ Some of the most durable valves available - no risk of leaking. ☑ Looks fantastic compared to most other bidet attachments. ☑ Thin enough to not cause toilet seat tilt. ☑ Easy installation. ☑ Cheap	Cons: ☒ Only one nozzle means some shifting is required for a feminine cleanse. ☒ Lack of warm water may bother those sensitive to cold water.
Breakdown Features: 7.0 Components: 9.0 Usage: 8.5 Misc: Bonus for its sleek appearance. Total: 8.8	Bottom Line A classic bidet attachment with modern looks. Don't expect to be blown away by its features list and stay away if warm water and feminine cleansings are a must, but Brondell has nailed the basic bidet attachment. You'd be hard pressed to find a comparably sexy and functional bidet at this price point.

First, the basics:

This is a bidet attachment, not a full bidet seat.
There is one nozzle for posterior cleaning.
It has a manual nozzle cleaning function.
It houses the nozzle behind a guard piece to keep it clean and sanitary for each use.
The nozzle automatically retracts after you finish using it.
Non-electric (uses only your home’s water pressure to operate).
It will fit virtually almost all two-piece toilets.
It comes in white only.
You will need a screwdriver and possibly a wrench to install.
The water pressure is controlled by twisting a knob.
- Twist right for rear wash, left for nozzle cleaning.
One-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Pros:

Extremely robust, durable brass and ceramic valves.
- It’s no surprise that Brondell has included a proprietary, high-quality valve in their new Bidet attachment. After being in the industry for so long now, the folks over at Brondell have a good idea of what their customers expect.
A unique silhouette.
- Forgoing the traditional egg-shaped control area of most other bidet attachments, Brondell has followed in the footsteps of GenieBidet and the Tushy by prioritizing the look of the unit – leaving us with a very attractive and distinctive model.
Extremely thin.
- Brondell has made a point of making sure this bidet attachment doesn’t throw off the zen of your bathroom experience in any way by making an attachment that sits very comfortably under the lid of your toilet without that classic bidet attachment tilt you might experience with other bidets.
Easy to install.
- Like most bidet attachments, it will take around ten minutes to install.
- Can be adjusted to fit nearly any toilet. Brondell uses adjustable plates with slots to ensure it will fit no matter the dimensions of your seat’s attachment (as long as it is a two-piece toilet).
An one-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Cons:

No warm water option.
- Definitely an issue if you live in colder areas. The icy blast of H2O up the wazoo can be startling at best, an icy terror at worst.
Only one nozzle.
- For men, no issue at all, but for women looking for a more sanitary rear AND frontal cleanse, this could be an issue. Some scooting and shifting around solves the problem, but there are definitely other bidets which may not be quite as sexy, but can deliver frontal and rear cleansing for the same price.

Final Thoughts:

Brondell is upping their bidet attachment game and certainly raising the bar for many of the other companies who’ve been content with the same, tired designs for years now. This bidet would suit those who are looking for an inexpensive, sleek looking bidet. If you don’t mind seasonally chilly water or shifting around a bit to get a proper feminine cleanse, definitely consider the Slimline. If not, consider looking at the GenieBidet for a dual nozzle model (feminine and rear cleansing but trades the warm water feature for sheer sexiness) or the Luxe Neo 320 for a fully featured, if somewhat dated looking attachment.

Check out the Brondell Slimline’s price HERE.

Christmas Gifting: Why a Bidet Makes Sense

October 14, 2017 by @elioverbey

Hearing Bing Crosby croon how he’s dreaming of a white Christmas, I am immediately sure the white he’s talking about isn’t toilet paper.

In fact, many music historians agree, it’s most likely the white porcelain throne and the missing bidet that he’s longing for with all his heart.

I know people get annoyed at society at large for dragging the Christmas decorations out earlier and earlier, radio stations starting 24/7 broadcasts of the halcyon songs of Yuletides past and malls and shopping centers opting to marginalize – or skip over completely – Thanksgiving in favor of its more lucrative holiday competitor.

There is, however, no point too early to start considering your budget when it comes to gift giving. Seriously, You Need a Budget.

How could a bidet possibly justify itself as a gift? What will your friends, family or colleagues think upon shredding the festive wrapping paper to find a posterior polisher inside?

This article aims to answer those questions as well as to give some bidet suggestions for those tough to buy for.

Here are the reasons a bidet makes a perfect, unforgettable gift.

Affordable!

Yes, bidets have become extremely afforda
The Luxe Bidet 320. Best bidet attachment out there and sure to warm the hearts and asses of any and all who receive one this holiday season.

ble. For those on a strict budget, you can snag a very inexpensive, effective and easy to install bidet attachment.
- Bidet attachments that I would recommend range from $25~$80
- For the lowest possible price, choose the Astor Bidet Attachment or the Chrider Bidet with self cleaning function.
- For looks, take a gander at the GenieBidet or the Tushy.
- And if you want the absolute best bidet attachment for your peeps, the Luxe Bidet Neo 320 is what you should be getting. It packs hot and cold water, a lovely lever control as well as feminine and rear cleansing options.

Check our ever growing list of bidet attachment reviews HERE! Includes all but the Chrider Bidet, which we’re currently working on.

For those with a bit more leeway when it comes to your gifting budget, an entry level electric bidet will completely blow your recipients’ minds.
- For the absolute most inexpensive yet badass electric bidet, pick up the SmartBidet SB-1000 which includes a remote.
- Looks-wise, the Novita Slimline is so sexy, you might get suspicious if someone takes a little extra time to use it….
- The best entry level bidet seat is the TOTO C100 It has everything you’d want in a bidet seat…..AND MORE. Really, check it out.

The recipient will actually use this thing!

Yes, we all know there’s nothing better than giving a gift that actually gets used and is appreciated. From food and alcohol (seriously, just get me some whisky or beef jerky and I’ll love you forever) to external hard-drives and TVs – useful gifts rule.

You will feel so absolutely giddy hearing your giftees talk about how freaking astonishing using their new gift has been. While you might not like all the details and information about their usage that they give you, just grin and bear it, as you can rest easy knowing you’ve changed a life or two.

Bidets are not only useful, they’re an investment. The savings in toilet paper is fantastic as are the savings in time and aggravation. Gone are experiences like this:

Also, as an added bonus, offer your hand at installation (give them time to make sure their toilet is clean first, don’t want to embarrass anyone), especially if the person you’re giving it to is a chronic procrastinator or isn’t confident in their plumbing ability.

It’s unique!

This probably should have been first on the list, but jeez-louise, who would ever predict a bidet to be inside the lovely, wrapped box?

The look on the face of your loved-one might be worth the price of admission alone!

Sure, they may seem shocked at first, but rest assured, as you go on to explain the benefits of a bidet and once they start imagining themselves using it – it’s game over, they’re going to be infatuated already.

People love upgrades, especially to their home. The bidet is a perfect way for someone you hold dear to do that.

A bidet is more than an ass-sprayer, it’s a way to say “I love you”. <3

Which Bidet Seat / Washlet is the Best in 2018?

August 29, 2017 by @elioverbey

2017 has faded into yesteryear and we are finally warming up into the spring of 2018, but many of last year’s best bidets are still just that… The best bidets.

Take a look at what reigned supreme last year in these two categories:

Best Overall

Best Bang For Your Buck.

Best Bidets 2018

These bidets are the premium, no holds barred whizzes that will vie with your children and pets for attention. These beasts not only tickle the fancies of premium gadget-lovers, but also those who have an affinity for strong construction and high quality materials.

Brondell Swash 1400

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This bidet suits couples and families who are willing to spend a fair amount for a durable, attractive bidet that should last many many years.

It covers all the bases when it comes to multi-user usage – a rear and (improved from the Swash 1000) feminine wand as well as an auto wash and dry mode that is great for kids.

This bidet is also perfect for those who simply want the best, no matter the expense. Brondell is a very well regarded company and this is their flagship bidet seat that compromises on very little.

Brondell has been in the Game of Bidets since 2003 and has consistently been one of the top manufacturers of washlets in the United States. With their new Swash 1400 bidet seat, Brondell have proven why they are held in such high regard among us bidetophiles (there are dozens of us!).

The Brondell Swash 1400 washlet bidet seat comes in two colors, white and biscuit.

Biscuit on the left, white on the right.

Designed with North American toilets in mind, the Swash 1400 should fit nearly any elongated or round toilet in the USA in terms of size, shape and color (it comes in both white and an off-white cutely labeled as ‘biscuit’).

Its smooth, contoured lines help the 1400 beautifully pair with any toilet and any bathroom.

In addition, the power cord and hose can be hidden away in a compartment in the rear of the seat, which will keep your bathroom from looking like the elastic jungle in Nickelodeon’s GUTS.

Along with its extremely sexy looks, the Swash 1400 packs an incredible features list that has nearly everything a bidet seat could possibly have.

It sports:

Two stainless steel wands (for both posterior and feminine cleansing) that resist corrosion, bacteria and virus contamination.

Adjustable spray width that allows a concentrated stream for those extra clingy peanut butter episodes to a much wider spray for gentle cleaning of a larger area and also a setting between the two for that Goldilocks in the family. This is a very impressive feature and a remarkable piece of engineering.

An easily replaceable and surprisingly effective deodorizer whisk the smells of last night’s digested lasagna through an activated carbon filter, providing astoundingly breathable air. This is a major upgrade from the older Swash 1000 model which didn’t allow for user replacement of the filter.

A warm air dryer for a completely hands-off, butt-cleaning experience.

A blue night light to help you find the pot in the middle of the night.

Programmable settings for up to two users to eliminate having to adjust the settings to your liking after Uncle John messed them all up when he had his morning BM. There is also an “auto” mode which will run through a full cleaning and drying cycle so anyone can easily experience the splendor of a completely clean tooter.

Remote control and magnetic docking station keeps your remote control easily accessible.

Ceramic core heating system allows for instant and unlimited warm/hot water. This system is remarkably effective and outclasses most other on-demand heating systems available from other brands.

The only gripe I have with this bidet seat is the lack of a pulsating spray feature (great for relief of constipation).

All in all, this bidet sets the bar at a lofty height and ticks nearly all the boxes any great bidet should be striving to fill. It’s built with quality materials and sounds construction, the features are all useful and lastly, it looks absolutely fantastic on any toilet.

TOTO Washlet S350e

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This is the perfect bidet for those who want a more automated, smart-toilet experience. Features such as the auto open/close lid and the ewater+ bowl misting (essentially cleans your toilet bowl periodically throughout the day) truly project the feeling of living in the future.

The S350 is absolutely packed to the rim with technology fit to impress Dr. Bunsen Honeydew. It is truly the Tesla of Toilets.

Much like the Brondell, the S350 suits multiple user households, however it isn’t quite as child friendly as the Brondell with no auto wash/dry cycle button. If you have young children and want them initiated into the Bidet Club, then the S350 might make it a smidge more difficult.

Once again, this bidet is for those who want the absolute best in class when it comes to bidets. The TOTO S350 even outclasses the Brondell in the sheer volume of features. Read on and decide for yourself if they’re worth it.

It’s just so slim!

TOTO is probably the name most people think of when electronic bidet seats or washlets are mentioned. As a matter of fact, TOTO coined the term “washlet” in 1980 and has sold 30 million of them since.

Unlike the Brondell Swash 1400, the TOTO S350 hasn’t been designed with the North American bathroom in mind.

However, don’t let that deter you, as toilet sizes/shapes as well as connections are pretty universal and the S350 is available in both round and elongated versions (the “e” in the S350e stands for the elongated version).

This washlet is slim and somehow houses all of its tricks inside a shell only 3.9 inches high.

While (in my opinion) not as stylish as the Brondell, the TOTO does just as good of a job at keeping your bathroom looking neat and tidy, with both water and electric attachments coming from the right side of the washlet, allowing for easy cable management.

Now, on to the MASSIVE features list. Hold onto yer butts.

It sports:

One adjustable plastic wand which may seem like a huge step down from the Brondell’s two stainless steel nozzles (which I prefer), but TOTO’s inclusion of an advanced water electrolysis system makes up for it (more on that, later!).

The soft exterior night-light is visible on the left side of the unit.

ewater+ water electrolysis system creates electrolysed water which, according to Wikipedia is “a known cleanser and disinfectant / sanitizer.” This water is used to spray both your bowl and the plastic nozzle, cleaning much more effectively than standard tap water.

Automatic open/close lid will allow for a completely hands-free experience and is just pretty damn futuristic when you actually experience it. It’s as if the toilet has been waiting excitedly for you to mount and make your daily doody deposit. For those of us that pee whilst standing, a button on the top of the remote can also raise the seat.

Wider “Soft Rear Cleanse” option which widens the spray to provide a less direct, more soothing spray for sensitive heinies.

A night light built into the side of the toilet will illuminate the area to the left of the toilet as well as the bowl, like the Brondell. The soft light on the side is actually quite useful and gives the TOTO the edge over the Swash 1400 in this category.

Programmable settings for up to two users – just like the Brondell.

Remote control which features a very basic (in a good way) front panel with the most frequently used options – front and rear cleanse, dryer and the stop button. On the sides are buttons to control the pressure, wand position and to toggle the oscillating and pulsating features. The back of the remote has a somewhat old-school LCD panel for controlling temperature (water and dryer), adjusting the lighting options and creating user profiles.

The deodorizer will keep your bathroom smelling less crappy. While not quite as effective as the Brondell’s, you don’t need to replace it as often and can simply clean the filter occasionally.

On demand hot water much like the Brondell. Water is not stored and heated in a reservoir, but instantly heated as it passes from your water supply, through the unit to bathe your bum in perfectly warm water every time you use it.

Bowl premist uses the ewater+ to mist the bowl when you sit down to grease up the bowl to prevent unsightly poo-stains. The unit also sprays after each use and intermittently throughout the day to keep it noticeably cleaner. This is about as close as you’re going to get to a mini Roomba (Poomba, anyone?) that cleans your toilet bowl.

A warm air dryer. Does what is says…eventually. Like most bidet seats, the dryer is essentially a slightly better bathroom hand dryer, so don’t expect a bone-dry ass in fewer than two or three minutes.

With every conceivable feature packed into one of the smallest electric bidets on the market, the only issue with the TOTO S350 is it’s price. If that doesn’t bother you and you’re in the market for an electric bidet seat, then you better hurry up and buy this thing because you will certainly get what you paid for.

Best Budget Bidets 2018

These are the Honda Civics of bidets. They balance price to performance by sacrificing some of the bells and whistles of their more expensive counterparts. For most users, you probably won’t need more than what these wonderful bidets have to offer.

Novita Slimline BN-330

First things first, who is this bidet for?

This bidet seat packs many of the features of more pricey models (including on-demand heated water!!!) for less than half the price. It’s also quite attractive for its price point as well as slim (who woulda guessed with a name like that).

The major missing feature here would be a deodorizer, so, if that doesn’t bug you and you simply want a bidet that cleans your ass and cleans it well, consider the Novita Slimline.

Novita is a a subsidiary of Kohler, whom you may have heard of. Novita is one of South Korea’s leading bidet manufacturers and has a long and established track record dating back to its founding in 1984.

With the Slimline BN-330, Novita has really taken their engineering to another level and have been able to inexpensively create an electric bidet seat which has a very small form factor and includes nearly all the key features of much more expensive bidets.

Lacking a remote (the bidet is controlled with an attached side panel, instead) and a deodorizer, this bidet has cut a few corners to bring you the best butt-blasting experience for a bargain price.

Read on to see what features you get with the Novita Slimline.

It sports:

Two stainless steel wands is an impressive package for a bargain bidet to come packing. Seperate nozzles for rear and frontal cleansing make sure that each area gets that nice does of TLC that it deserves.

Instantaneous heating system provides warm water on demand and doesn’t ever run out, unlike a reservoir system which might come up short in multi-user households. I feel like it is worth noting that most other bidets in this price range feature a tank-reservoir system and Novita is really giving users a wonderful feature for such a low cost.

A warm air dryer is another nice feature that many budget-friendly bidets lack. Although, as always, don’t expect it to blow you away and prepare to wait a little while if you want a truly TP-less experience.

Strong, sit-able lid gives peace-of-mind to those who often find themselves seated on the lid applying those final touches of makeup, drying their hair or whatever else.

Oscillation and aeration make for a very pleasant cleaning experience. The oscillating nozzles can cover a larger area and more easily provide that spotless butt that we’ve all been seeking. The aerated water gives the stream a more gentle feeling with less splash and splatter.

Feast your eyes on those smooth lines.

For what it costs, the Novita Slimline provides such a huge value that it’s almost impossible for a beginner bidet-er to pass up. The instantaneous hot water and the Novita’s striking appearance are the two best features and are already close to covering the cost of admission. Don’t forget to check out our full review of the Novita Slimline!

TOTO Washlet C100

First things first, who is this bidet for?

Oh boy, this bidet is for almost anyone.

Really, this thing is just great and is a legend in the world of bidets.

Get this bidet if you want all the features of a much more expensive bidet minus instantaneous heating. If you live in a house where multiple people use the toilet in quick succession, then the tank-heating might be an issue, but if you have a small number of people in your home, then this bidet could fulfill all your wildest toilet fantasies.

Once again, TOTO brings another titan into the neverending battle of the bidets. With all its years of experience designing and manufacturing bidets, TOTO has been able to somehow slip so many features into this bad boy that it’ll blow your freaking mind.

Containing everything but instantaneous water heating, the TOTO C100 gives other bidets in higher price ranges a serious run for their money.

This is another remote-less bidet seat, opting instead for a connected side panel. This might turn a few people off, but in all honesty, I really like the look of it on this TOTO.

It really makes you feel like you’re in a futuristic Tokyo restroom taking the best dump of your life.

Here are all the features this jack-of-all-trades bidet dude brings to the table.

It sports:

One plastic wand nozzle which can clean both front and rear areas effectively due to its multiple nozzles.

Tank-reservoir heating system utilizes a large tank to hold and heat water – even when you aren’t using the toilet – so that you will, in most cases, have a decent supply of warm water ready to go.

In special circumstances (house-wide food poisoning, anyone?) where there is a mad run on the bathroom, the tank might deplete it’s warm water supply under heavy use.

In this case, you might have to deal with some lukewarm or even chilly water. Barring acts of God like that, however, the C100 should have sufficient hot water.

A warm air dryer is packed into the rear of the seat and does just as well as more expensive bidets at completely drying you off sometime before your 100th birthday.

A deodorizer has also found a home in the C100. Somehow, the brains at TOTO found a way to squash both a dryer and deodorizer into this absurdly cheap bidet.

Premist bowl-spraying just like its more expensive siblings. The premist does a surprisingly good job of keeping the toilet clean and I think it’s a very worthwhile feature.

Oscillating cleanse. Like nearly all bidet seats, the TOTO C100 has an oscillating cleaning function to sweep the area with water to fully blast any and all nooks and crannies where turds may be trying to hide.

With high-end features like a dryer, deodorizer and a pre-mist function, the TOTO C100 clearly punches well above its weight. Once again, the only thing holding it back is the lack of an on-demand water heating system, but that shouldn’t be an issue in most cases. Read our TOTO C100 Review and our TOTO C100 vs. the TOTO C200 Head to Head.

All in all, there are many many bidets out there, and they’re all competing for your hard earned cash. I hope this guide will help you narrow down your choices to the electric bidets that I believe outrank the rest in their respective categories. Hopefully now you have a bit more confidence in selecting a bidet so that you can ditch the TP and toilet seat and start pooping like a king.

As always, comments are very appreciated. Any bidet you’d like to see reviewed or do you think a different bidet should occupy one of these spots?

Let me know, I’d love to heard from you.

Cheers, and happy bidet-ing.

If you’re more interested in bidet attachments, come see our list of the best of the bunch.

Aqua Nexis Handheld Bidet Toilet Sprayer – Review

August 18, 2017 by @elioverbey

Pros: ☑ Made from stainless steel and brass - very durable. ☑ Mounts onto toilet easily. ☑ Easy operation. ☑ Easy installation. ☑ Cheap	Cons: ☒ A bit tough to squeeze between your legs when using it as a bidet. ☒ Not much different than your typical kitchen sprayer.
Breakdown Features: 6.5 Components: 8.3 Usage: 7.5 Misc: Bonus points for the perfect, sexy spray pattern. Total: 7.1	Bottom Line If you want something that is easy to use, can fill multiple bathroom roles, will last a long time and gets the job done reasonably well, the Aqua Nexis may be for you. If you're looking for a great bidet, you may want something more tailored to butt spraying. The Aqua Nexis is a good, durable sprayer, but that's really all that can be said about it as it lacks innovation or specialization.

Pros:

☑ Made from stainless steel and brass - very durable.
☑ Mounts onto toilet easily.
☑ Easy operation.
☑ Easy installation.
☑ Cheap

Cons:

☒ A bit tough to squeeze between your legs when using it as a bidet.
☒ Not much different than your typical kitchen sprayer.

Breakdown

Features: 6.5

Components: 8.3

Usage: 7.5

Misc: Bonus points for the perfect, sexy spray pattern.

Total: 7.1

Bottom Line

If you want something that is easy to use, can fill multiple bathroom roles, will last a long time and gets the job done reasonably well, the Aqua Nexis may be for you. If you're looking for a great bidet, you may want something more tailored to butt spraying. The Aqua Nexis is a good, durable sprayer, but that's really all that can be said about it as it lacks innovation or specialization.

See the Aqua Nexis for yourself on Amazon

The Aqua Nexis Handheld Bidet (or shataff, if you’re so inclined) is the bidet for those if us that want a multi purpose hand sprayer and who don’t want to spend too much of our hard-earned moolah on other poo-pals. The Aqua Nexis can be had for south of $50 and fills the roll of bidet, diaper sprayer and toilet/sink cleaner.

Features

Aqua Nexis’ Handheld Bidet Sprayer might look just like a normal kitchen sink sprayer….and it kinda is. This ins’t to say it doesn’t have the features to justify hooking this creamy lil guy up to your water supply and letting him live rent-free on your toilet. First, this sprayer has a really beautiful spray – it’s as if a Doric column of perfectly aerated water is erupting from the nozzle. Honestly, it’s gorgeous and feels pretty damn good on the ol’ patoot. The water pressure can be controlled by the handle on the sprayer as well as the lever on the t-valve (although this is a bit finicky). The sprayer is also solidly constructed from solid stainless steel (no chrome coating on this guy), but more on that later.

The unit can be attached to your water supply by hooking into the same source your toilet uses to deliver water to the tank. Installation is incredibly easy and may take as few as three minutes if you’ve invested heavily in your dexterity trait. The included four foot hose is a good length and causes no issues. The sprayer handle is also functional and will hold the bottom of the handle while allowing you to easily grasp the rest of the sprayer when you’re ready to use it.

The list of features may be short, but the unit does everything it promises. If you’ve ever wanted a kitchen sprayer with a narrower, more powerful stream attached to your toilet, the Aqua Nexus fits the bill.

Construction

Stainless steel, baby!

Stainless steel. All over.

The four foot hose and sprayer are both solid stainless steel and look/feel extremely durable. The sprayer feels great in the hand and has a heft to it that lends a feeling of quality to it. The handle which controls the flow of water also feels great when used. The inner valve is tough and takes just the right amount of force to open. Also, there is a satisfying little click of metal on metal when you release the handle and the valve is closed. Mmmmmm.

The t-valve is another husky fella. As soon as you pick it up, you can feel that it is solid brass and well built. A nice, smooth feeling when manipulating the lever seals the deal – it’s a good t-valve.

The sprayer holder is also stainless steel and holds the sprayer admirably.

Overall, this is a very strong unit.

Usage

Shelly is enthusiastic about not only her own, but also her friends’ and family’s heinie hygiene. Be like Shelly.

Spraying with the Aqua Nexis is pretty straightforward. Grasp the handle, point it at whatever needs spraying (diapers, ass, a dirty toilet) and then, simply, spray. The pressure can be controlled with the amount of force you use to squeeze the handle. Squeeze more for higher pressure, less for less. This isn’t quite as easy as some other specialized handheld bidets (like the Aquaus 360 – Check out our review here) but it serves its function as a bidet well.

Now, most people will either clean from the front or back (I have yet to meet someone who swoops in from the side.) and both ways are quite easy, although I personally find coming in from the front to be more comfortable. Getting the aim right can be a trick the first few times you use it. Expect some soaked buns until you get used to the angle that works for you.

The Aqua Nexis is also tagged as a diaper sprayer. Unfortunately, I’m without diapers that need spraying; however, I’d imagine it’d work very well as far as that’s concerned. The stream is powerful and well aerated so I wouldn’t imagine there’d be much of an issue with splashback.

The Aqua Nexis Handheld Bidet is a very basic, functional shataff. It’s easy to use and install. It cleans well and has a great spray. It is also well made and seems like a bidet sprayer that will last a long time. I believe there are other handheld bidets that function better in the bidet category, but this sprayer can take care of a host of other functions very well. Pick this up if you like the utilitarian look, need something durable and intuitive.

Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet For Faucet – Review

August 13, 2017 by @elioverbey

Connect directly to your faucet.

Pros: ☑ Incredibly easy installation. ☑ Can find the perfect water temperature. ☑ Still able to use your sink normally. ☑ Great wand/nozzle operation with ingenious 360 degree thumb control. ☑ Durable components.	Cons: ☒ Metallic coating easily chips. ☒ Hose and faucet attachment clutter your sink area.
Breakdown Features: 8.0 Components: 7.5 Usage: 9.2 Misc: Bonus points for ease of installation and niche filling. Total: 8.4	Bottom Line The Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet For Faucets is a clever device that functions very well and can be effortlessly installed and operated by anyone, nearly anywhere, with only your thumb. Fantastic for those who find themselves frequently in hotels. Slightly annoying cosmetic damage can occur and it can be obtrusive for those looking for a permanent home-bidet solution, however, as the hose and faucet attachment take up valuable sink-space.

Pros:

☑ Incredibly easy installation.
☑ Can find the perfect water temperature.
☑ Still able to use your sink normally.
☑ Great wand/nozzle operation with ingenious 360 degree thumb control.
☑ Durable components.

Cons:

☒ Metallic coating easily chips.
☒ Hose and faucet attachment clutter your sink area.

Breakdown

Features: 8.0

Components: 7.5

Usage: 9.2

Misc: Bonus points for ease of installation and niche filling.

Total: 8.4

Bottom Line

The Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet For Faucets is a clever device that functions very well and can be effortlessly installed and operated by anyone, nearly anywhere, with only your thumb. Fantastic for those who find themselves frequently in hotels. Slightly annoying cosmetic damage can occur and it can be obtrusive for those looking for a permanent home-bidet solution, however, as the hose and faucet attachment take up valuable sink-space.

Check out the Aquaus 360 For Faucets on Amazon.

Manufactured by RinseWorks, a small Floridian company, the Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet is a novel and convenient, if somewhat obtrusive handheld bidet (also known as a shattaf). With the 360 For Faucets, RinseWorks has forgone linking the bidet to the water supply directly via a t-adapter, and opted for connecting right to the faucet in your bathroom’s sink.

Features

The valve that attaches to the sink is sturdy and well-made.

Rinseworks has put a lot of effort into making their Aquaus 360 line of handheld bidets tick all of the boxes when it comes to affordable dingleberry removers. First, as previously mentioned, it is easily attached to nearly any threaded sink which has a large large (15/16) aerator gauge, instead of tapping into the water line directly (if you have a small (13/16) aerator gauge, your local hardware store should have an adapter for you). This valve can easily switch between feeding your faucet or bidet water – just flip the switch. This should appeal to those who don’t want to deal with the minor plumbing required to attach a bidet to the water lines. Also, it is quite a useful feature when it comes to water temperature – just find the right temperature while the valve is supplying the faucet water, then flip that bad boy into bidet mode.

This works very well for those who spend a lot of time in hotels while travelling or in a caretaker role, as the device is easily moved and

attached/removed. However, I can’t recommend this for most users who desire a permanent bidet solution because, honestly, the line running from the faucet to the bidet is annoying and totally throws my bathroom feng-shui out of alignment. Fortunately, Rinseworks also makes the Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet Sprayer For Toilets which connects directly to the water line and avoids the pesky faucet umbilical cord (Quick note, the Aquaus 360 for toilets is great, however, it differs from non-handheld bidets like attachments and bidet seats due to the fact that you MUST shut off the t-valve connection after each use which can be annoying).

The handheld wand is also a wonderful little piece of equipment. Its most distinctive feature is its 360 degree, thumb-operated water pressure control. As seen in the image below, the control is a dial that can be either pushed or pulled by your thumb and works on both sides of the bidet handle. It can be used from the front and the behind without any annoying adjustments or toying with the device. It just works.

The standard length of the nozzle is 3″, and should work well for most people. Thankfully, for those of us that like a longer nozzle, there is a thoughtful 5″ extension tube that can effectively make the nozzle nearly 8″ once attached. There is also a mounting bracket that hooks into your toilet tank so that the wand can easily be mounted on the outside of the tank. Weirdly, there have been quite a few reports of this mounting not being quite the right size for the wand and some users needing multiple attempts to get the wand to stay put.

Construction

The ceramic valve is very durable and should last for at least 10 years.

The Aquaus uses a few different materials in the construction of this handheld bidet. The valve which attaches to the faucet is solid brass and feels very sturdy and functions well without leaks.

The metal hose is stainless steel and works as well as you could expect. Nothing wrong with it.

The wand itself is where things get a bit more muddied. RinseWorks says the wand is made from “heavy-duty ABS polymers, a super

strong engineered blend of polymer materials just as strong and durable as stainless steel or brass sprayers, except light weight, corrosion proof and easy to handle.” and features a “Brass valve cartridge with ceramic disk seals with a burst rating of 250 PSI with an average lifespan of 10 to 15 years of use.” Now, I’ve no reason to doubt this, as the wand has shown itself to be extremely durable and the spraying capabilities of the wand work wonderfully. However, the metallic coating on the wand is quite easy to chip and can very quickly make your lil’ bidet buddy look cheap and crappy (pun, yeaaa boi). This, coupled with the somewhat insecure mounting bracket is certainly annoying and may make you wish for a full metal construction.

Usage

Handy dandy guide on frontal and rear cleansing with the Aquaus.

Using the Aquaus is a treat. Being able to have total control over where the sprayer is doing work can feel more satisfying than many bidet seats or attachments where you will need to shift your bum or use a control panel to adjust the water stream. I’d compare using this handheld bidet versus a traditional bidet seat to driving a manual car versus an automatic.

The pressure is controlled by both the wand as well as your faucet. Turning the faucet all the way on will give the bidet wand a boost of pressure, while using less pressure from the faucet will do the opposite. No matter how high the faucet is turned up, the bidet won’t actually start spraying until you turn the dial on the wand itself. Using the dial is very easy; it’s simple to adjust the pressure up or down by manipulating the dial with just your thumb. Whether you’re cleaning from the front or back, RinseWorks has certainly made a case for the 360 degree control dial.

In most categories the Aquaus 360 For Faucets excels, although the areas in which it doesn’t can be deal breakers. The sink-cluttering effect of this models defining feature – the faucet connection – can be overlooked if you’re using the Aquaus primarily for travel, otherwise, attaching and detaching the device can be annoying (and potentially impossible if you’ve got an emergency poo that just can’t wait). The easily chipped metallic coating on the wand and the not-quite-right mounting bracket are also annoyances. Looking past all this and you have a wonderfully functional bidet that could benefit those who travel, are caretakers or are just wary of doing any type of plumbing.

TOTO C100 vs TOTO C200 – Head to Head

July 26, 2017 by @elioverbey

As of early 2021, these two bidets are STILL the most popular bidets around, and for good reason!

Let’s get right to the good stuff with a chart which easily highlights the differences between the two bidets.

You can also jump to a hefty, in-depth analysis of each bidet here:

TOTO C100

TOTO C200

	TOTO C200	TOTO C100
Rear Cleanse	✔	✔
Soft Rear Cleanse	✔	✔
Front Cleanse	✔
Oscillating Cleanse	✔	✔
Pulsating Cleanse	✔
Water Temp. Settings	5	3
Water Pressure Settings	5	5
Adjustable Wand Position	✔	✔
Air Purifier/Deodorizer	✔	✔
Air Dryer	✔	✔
Air Temperature Control Settings	5	3
Heated Seat	✔	✔
Heated Seat Temperature Controls	5	3
Slowly Closing Seat/Lid	✔	✔
Seat Sensor	✔	✔
Remote	Wall mountable/detached remote control	Attached side panel
Removable Lid	✔	✔
Premist	✔	✔
Wand Cleaning Mode	✔	✔
Self Cleaning Wand	✔	✔

If you’re anything like me, one of the first bidet brands you came across was the grandfather of bidets – TOTO, from Japan (electronic bidet seats are commonly referred to as washlets in Japan and elsewhere – after TOTO coined the term).

Likewise, you probably stumbled upon two of their most popular models, the TOTO C100 and the TOTO C200 and wondered how they compare.

This post is going to dive into the chamber of the TOTOs and find out what makes each one tick, and how they differ. I’ll also lay out a guide so you can easily choose which TOTO to give the honor of cleaning your bum to.

The Contenders

The TOTO C100 with attached panel control.

The TOTO C100 (see current price HERE)

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the battle of the bidets! Our first contestant hails from Japan. The TOTO C100 is TOTO’s most popular model.

Weighing in at 15 pounds, this heavyweight turd-basher brings out the best of Japanese engineering with its feature list and streamlined shape.

The C100 packs as many features into its frame as an international drug smuggler packs narcotics into their heinie.

Premist spray – readies the bowl for the deluge of turd it’s about to receive by automatically spraying a fine mist on the inside of the bowl as soon as you sit down.. This will keep those pesky lil’ Klingons from taking up residence on the inside of the bowl.
Adjustable front and rear cleansing – Adjust the position of the cleaning wand to effectively squirt where squirting is needed. Rear for all, front for feminine cleansing.
Oscillating stream – The wand will move back and forth while spraying. For both rear and frontal cleansing, enable the oscillating function to clean a wider area and weed out the fugitive poo that is hiding just out of reach.
Three water temperature settings – Never gets TOO hot, so no worries there.
Three heated seat temperature settings – Like the water, none of the settings are uncomfortable, so find the setting that’s right for you.
Air dryer (three temp. settings) – A slow, but functional dryer for those of us with a bit of patience.
Deodorizer – Automatically engages a fan when you sit down which pulls the air from inside the bowl (the foulest of air, ew) through an activated carbon filter to remove the nasty shit-stench

All of these functions are accessible on a side-panel control which is attached to the right side of the bidet (as you’re sitting on it). This can work to its advantage as the control panel is attached to the bidet, and therefore, can never get lost OR run out of batteries.

The TOTO C200 with remote control operation.

The TOTO C200 (see current price HERE)

Our second contestant also hails from the land of the rising sun (duh). The C100’s younger brother, the C200 is out for blood after being relentlessly bullied from elementary to high school by his older sibling.
Sporting a more streamlined look
, this 15 pound bruiser is looking to oust the reigning champ.

In addition to all the features the C100 has, the C200 has a few more tricks up its nozzle.

Pulsating spray – The biggest bonus function the C200 has is the pulsating spray. This can be used with frontal and rear cleaning. This mode is great for those suffering from constipation, as the massaging sensation can loosen up your trap door and help them logs slide right on out.
Five water temperature settings – That’s right folks, FIVE. Finding that none of the three temps offered by the C100 are quite right? Ok, Goldilocks, I suggest you take a seat on the C200 and see if that doesn’t tickle your fancy. Note: Both models feature a highest temperature setting of 104 degrees Fahrenheit; however, the C200 offers a lower lowest temperature setting at 86 degrees Fahrenheit while the C100’s temps start at 95 degrees.
Five heated seat temperature settings – Yep, more seat heats as well! The C200 offers a maximum temperature of 97 degrees whereas the C100’s maximum temp is 95 degrees. Both have a minimum temp of 82 degrees.
Five dryer temperature settings – Ok, ok, ok. This must be getting boring, but it’s worth mentioning. Five is more then three! More customization is always welcome. The temperatures are the same, but the C200 offers more increments from the minimum 104 to maximum 140 degrees.

All these functions are controlled by a separate remote control that can be mounted on the wall in the included holder. Perhaps the biggest difference between these two bidet-seats, a remote control offers the bidet a more streamlined look, as well as offering the user more versatility when it comes to the location of the remote (great for lefties or those with lower mobility).

How to choose your champion

As you can see, both models bring their own brand of spiciness to the table, making choosing which one best suits your needs a bit tough. The C100 has the lower price tag going for it, while the C200 has a few more features.

When should you choose the C100?

You like the side control panel.

Hey, it isn’t for everybody, but some people actually prefer the side control panel. Some like it’s look, some like the battery-less operation. If the side control panel does it for you, more power to ya.

You like the price

This is an obvious one, but if you aren’t willing to spend an extra $50-$100 (depending on where you buy it) on the C200’s few extra features, then the C100 should be your pick.

When should you choose the C200?

You like the look.

Not having a side control panel streamlines the look of the device. Some find this extremely important, some don’t.

You like the remote.

Not only does it change the look of the bidet, it can also be much more functional. Not having to turn your body to reach some of the C100’s buttons is wonderful, as it the ability to mount it anywhere you see fit.

You sometimes suffer from constipation.

The pulsating function the C200 has is wondrous for relieving constipation. Give it a minute or two and feel it terminate those stubborn turds who thought they had a new, permanent home.

You want more control.

The five temperature settings the C200 provides for the seat, water and dryer give you more control. For those of us that are a little more sensitive to temperatures, this is a gift from heaven.

In the end, the choice is yours.

Most people who purchase either model are extremely happy with their purchase – especially if this is their first bidet after years of crappy, dirty toilet paper use. Either way you go, you’re making a good decision by getting rid of toilet paper and thus helping the planet, achieving better hygiene and feeling much more comfortable after going #2.

To further inform, check out our standalone C100 Review here!

5 Things You Should Know BEFORE Buying a Bidet

July 16, 2017 by @elioverbey

Buying a bidet is a transcendent experience, so it isn’t surprising that many people rush into the process and buy the first bidet that looks sexy enough to clean their undercarriage. Without careful research and due diligence, the bidet buying process can turn from a dream into a shitty experience. To help you avoid snags, snafus and outright disaster, pay particular attention to these ___ factors while you’re searching for your new best friend

1. Elongated or round?

(If you’re planning on getting a bidet attachment, read on – this doesn’t apply to you. Hooray!)

Most toilets nowadays have one of two types of bowls: round or elongated, with elongated being more common. Therefore, most bidet manufacturers have made corresponding bidets to fit both kinds. Some bidets only come in one size or the other, however, so be sure you’re buying the right one.

How do you determine the shape of your toilet? Well, start with looking at it from a birds’ eye view. If the bowl appears to have a soccer-ball shape, then it’s round. If it looks more like a rugby or football ball, then you’ve got yourself an elongated. You can also bust out your measuring tape and measure from the front of the toilet to the seat mounting holes. An elongated toilet will measure from 18 to 19.5 inches whereas a round toilet will measure 16.5 to 17.75 inches.

This might seem obvious, but it’s an easy mistake to make!

2. Do you have room?

Bidets aren’t massive devices, but they do increase the footprint of your toilet by a couple of inches. This can be especially irksome if the left side (while you’re facing it) of the toilet is close to or against a wall or cabinet. Toilets in this position can really only manage with a remote operated bidet-seat. All bidet attachments are out, as are all panel operated bidet-seats. I don’t know of any bidets that currently feature a panel on the right side of the bidet, so, sorry lefties!

If your toilet is too close to the wall, you won't be able to install some types of bidets.

Beware the position of your throne.

I mentioned remote operated bidet-seats as a solution to this issue, and it is worth talking a little more about. Remote operated bidets will come with a remote as well as a mountable remote-holder.

Some benefits of this compared to a panel operated bidet-seat are: solving the issue of not having enough clearance for a panel, easier operation (no reaching back to press some of the buttons that are located near the rear of the panel), much better for lefties, streamlines the look of the toilet.

To sum it all up: measure the clearance between the right side of the toilet and the wall/cabinet/obstruction and consider getting a remote operated bidet-seat if there isn’t enough room.

3. You will NEED a power outlet for electric bidet-seats (and bonus warning for bidet attachment people).

Another seemingly no-brainer, but another detail that can often get overlooked in the excitement of buying a bidet.

you will need to plug in an electric bidet.

Don’t let this happen to your bathroom. Be aware of your electrical outlet situation.

If you’re buying a bidet-seat, chances are, it’s electric. The nozzle, water and seat heaters, dryer, and everything else requires electricity – and therefore a working three pronged outlet (or adapter) in order to function. Before ordering a bidet-seat, take a peek at your commode. Where is the power outlet? Is it conveniently located next to the toilet? If not, is the cord running from the bidet-seat to the available outlet not too much of an eyesore? Are there other appliances that need to be plugged in at all times that are going to hog the outlets? Will you have to annoyingly unplug one device to plug in your bidet and vice-versa?

These are some questions that need to be asked before you decide a bidet-seat is a good fit for your bathroom.

Bidet-attachment buyers, beware! You aren’t totally off the hook here. If you’re buying a bidet-attachment with a warm water option, you need to be sure your bathroom has a warm water connection that you can easily access. Is the warm water attachment in a cabinet under the sink? Are you willing to drill a hole in the cabinet to thread it through? Again, are you going to be okay with the look of your bathroom after connecting the hot water to your bidet attachment?

4. Tankless or reservoir heating?

Electric bidets typically have one of two heating methods. Tankless heating will instantly heat water and can provide a limitless supply of warm, butt-friendly water. Bidets that feature this method of heating will be smaller (more on why later) and more expensive. Who doesn’t want an unlimited stream of gloriously comfortable water to the sphincter?

Reservoir heating systems employ a large tank (this is why tankless are smaller!) to hold and heat water. The bidet will fill the tank with water and heat it up, then continue to heat it periodically when it’s not in use so that you aren’t left getting an unpleasant, ass-clenchingly cold jolt when you clean yourself. The problem with these types of bidets is that the hot water will eventually run out. It can usually suffice for a single user, but if you’ve got a line forming outside the bathroom of all the neighbors who’ve heard your yells of ecstasy during your cleaning sessions (….or just family members or roommates), then the next user might not be too pleased with the lack of warmth.

5. Do you need feminine cleansing?

If you’re a lady, or have ladies in the household, the answer to the above question is an emphatic YES! Feminine cleansing boils down to either a second nozzle or a movable nozzle which is capable of cleaning the frontal area, instead of the rear. For men, this is pretty pointless, although it’s not a totally terrible experience.

Nearly all electric bidet-seats will have this feature, so no worries there. But, be on the lookout for bidet attachments that only have one, immovable nozzle. If you’re looking for the best in hygiene, a frontal cleanse is a must.

In the end, a bidet can only give you as much bang for your buck as you allow. Be smart about buying a bidet and don’t forget these five essential points to keep in mind. Happy bideting!

Top 5 Ways to Effortlessly Upgrade Your Bathroom

July 9, 2017 by @elioverbey

You’ve decked out your living space in all the fineries you could possibly need. An OLED TV, check; a badass blender with blades reconstituted from dragon teeth, check; a fabulous grill capable of tickling the fancy of a Viking lord of old, also, check.

Many times, the only room in our castles not getting its fair share of love is our throne room. Now, why anyone would want to neglect the place where they feel relief, get clean and watch more cat gifs than in their office is beyond me. This short list will hopefully inspire some of you to give your bathroom a desperately needed upgrade while not requiring hours of labor, sweaty construction workers (although we love our sweaty, nimble friends) or breaking the bank.

#1. A Bidet

Yeah, you guessed it. How could bidets not fill the top spot on our list? A device that not only chips away the nastiness of post-deucedom, but one that instills in its user a feeling of confidence, even on the hottest, muggiest of days. This isn’t to mention the bidet’s uncanny ability to make house guests feel like giddy lil poopers as they use it and are subsequently wowed by the experience.

Home bidets come in all flavors: from inexpensive bidet attachments which simply bed down under your toilet seat and require nothing but a connection to your water supply to operate, to electric enchanters that not only look cutting edge, but have the suite of features to back up their looks.

These fully featured electric bidets will, in most cases provide most of these features: warm water with temperature control, adjustable pressure, adjustable nozzle position, feminine cleansing, oscillating cleaning function (the nozzle moves back and forth to cover a wider area), a slowly closing lid and seat to avoid that awful, loud banging, and a dryer.

If that doesn’t have you inhaling Metamucil, the features of the upper tier of electric bidets definitely will. They come with deodorizers, bowl pre and post misting to deter the stickiest of turds from hanging on, UV lights to kill bacteria, silver nanoparticles on the nozzles to kill EVEN MORE bacteria, ambient noise generators to muffle your butt-trumpet and more.

A bidet not only transforms your toilet, it can truly bring your whole bathroom into the 21st century.

#2 A Better Shower Head

More than likely, you are still using the shower head that came with the shower (if not, congrats on being ahead of the curve here). Most people never consider changing the shower head as it’s usually “good enough” to squeak by without pissing you off too much and drawing attention to itself as one of your bathroom’s weakest links.

Setups with a mounted, adjustable shower-head as well as a separate, handheld wand are quite popular options. The mounted shower-head can continuously coat you with warm, liquid goodness while you take the fight to the areas that need it most with the handheld wand.

“DreamSpa Instant-Mount Drill-Free Height / Angle Adjustable 36-Setting 3-Way Shower Head / Handheld Shower with 22-Inch Stainless Steel Slide Bar, Chrome Finish“

Yes, that is an actual Amazon listing. Incredible reviews, 36 freaking functions (well, more like 2 shower heads with 7 functions each, including a pause mode) and a surprisingly affordable price. Doesn’t that sound better than what is currently sputtering and unevenly spraying you every day?

Some functions these fancy-schmancy shower heads come packing are: misting spray, high pressure massage, rainfall mode, eco spray, pause mode, anti-microbial coatings, various combinations of the above listed, and yes, even more.

Don’t like the dual shower-head setup? Why not opt for a larger, rainfall head? These are best installed perpendicular to the ground and provide the same feeling as being caught in a downpour (minus your phone getting ruined, the cold and people laughing at you).

#3 A Body Monitor Scale

If you warped into your great grandma’s bathroom of the early 20th century, what kind of scale would she have? If you answered, “Well, pretty much the same one I have!” then it’s time for a major upgrade. The scale of the post WWI era can now measure more than just weight. Plug in a few details about yourself, such as your gender and height, and today’s scale can give you some interesting insight into your late night Doritos binging. Fat %, BMI, visceral fat (ft around your midsection that can squeeze the ever-loving life out of some very important organs if left to run rampant), and your body age. Some scales even come with an app that can streamline track your data automatically.

These scales work by sending electrical pulses through your body (don’t worry, it isn’t like touching the dinosaur paddock in Jurassic Park) and using the time it takes to go from one sensor to the other. Electricity moves more quickly through muscle than fat, so, the longer the signal takes, the higher the fat percentage.

While some of these measurements aren’t as accurate as going to a doctor and having measurements taken, these scales can still provide some worthwhile information. For example, the body fat percentage is liable to give inconsistent readings if you’ve eaten, drank or shat since last using it. However, this can easily be rectified by taking your body scan in the morning after your first pee or poo, before drinking or eating anything. Having constant measuring conditions can give you a reliable measure of changes in body fat (if not an exactly accurate reading).

Overall, if you’re looking to shed some pounds, gain some muscle or just monitor some stats, an electronic body scanning scale is a wonderful way to step up your bathroom game.

#4 A Nebulizing Essential Oil Diffuser

We all like to treat our noses to fine fragrances. Heck, half the time I’m at home alone, sitting in sweatpants , I’ll put on some cologne just because I like the smell.

A bathroom is one of the last places you’d classify as pleasant-smelling. When numerous heaters are being cranked out into the toilet each day, the post-shower smell of your favorite soap quickly becomes the odor of Le’Turd. An essential oil diffuser can do yourself and others a great service by filling the room with something that DOESN’T smell like shit.

Essential oil diffusers fit into two main categories: ultrasonic or nebulizing.

An ultrasonic diffuser is essentially (tehehe) a humidifier that lets the oil hitch a ride on vaporized water particles. These diffusers will scentify the room they’re in for as long as they’re on and a little while afterwards.

A nebulizing diffuser is, like, totally way better. It uses some fancy-pants physics to eject microscopic oil particles into the air which can stay suspended for hours. In my case, my bathroom doesn’t need a humidifier, but does need something to make it smell less like the inside of a diaper after the toilet has been used.

Essential oils come in a variety of scents. From the uber-refreshing, icy cool blast of peppermint oil to the zestiness of lemon and orange oils, there is sure to be something that tickles your fancy.

#5 A Bluetooth Shower Speaker

There’s an episode of the Flintstones where Fred hears Barney singing in the shower, his voice the deep, seductive baritone of a classic 50’s crooner. We all sing better in the shower, and what could possibly help bring out our inner Clay Aiken than a speaker that won’t explode when wet?

Bluetooth speakers have been a staple of modern households for the last decade or so. They provide a simple, convenient way to blast your tunes throughout your house without being tethered to massive, hard to move conventional speakers. Bringing the ballads to the bathroom was the next logical step for those of us who never stop jamming.

A Bluetooth shower speaker can radically improve your morning. Seriously. Imagine taking a shower… Now imagine taking a shower with the Spice Girls in their prime. Yeah, a Bluetooth shower speaker can do that. These speakers not only liven up your showers, they can also mask your farts! About to drop a seismic booty bomb? Pop on Tchaikovsky’s 1812 Overture and enjoy the challenge of syncing your flatulence to the cannon fire.

SmartBidet SB-110 Review

June 30, 2017 by @elioverbey

The SmartBidet SB-110 Review

The Basics|The Features|The Pros|The Cons|Final Thoughts

SmartBidet has streamlined their look without compromising features in this exceptional addition to their ranks.

The SB-110’s current price and more photos here.

Pros	Cons
Learns when to save power	Can't turn off heated seat/water
Unique bowl premisting function	Large tank reservoir
Price is right	Lid is too weak to sit on

First, the basics:

This is a bidet seat, so it will be replacing your old toilet seat. Find a place to toss that thing because you’re never going back to it.
It is electric, so you will need access to a power outlet (three pronged).
It comes in only the elongated size, so be sure that your toilet bowl depth is at least 20 inches.
Comes in white.
You will need a Phillips-head screwdriver (and possibly a flat-head screwdriver, depending on how your old toilet seat is mounted) for installation.
All other installation components are included.
The control panel on the side of the unit controls all functions.
The nozzle self-cleans and retracts after each use.
Nozzle cap can be removed for easier, more thorough cleaning.
The water is heated instantly, as there is no reservoir.
One-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The features:

Expand

Rear cleanse
- Your typical bidet function.
Front cleanse
- For feminine cleaning.
Turbo cleanse
- Nearly enema-level pressure. This is for when you need to really blast the undercarriage.
Oscillating cleanse
- Available for rear, front and turbo cleansing functions.
- The wand will move back and forth while spraying, so you don’t miss anything.
Kids’ mode
- Automatically runs the rear wash for 30 seconds followed by a minute of the dryer.
- Nozzle position, water pressure and dryer temp are all toned down a bit to suit a child.
Warm-air dryer
Five settings for water pressure
Wand position adjustment
- So you don’t have to move on the seat as much to get a thorough cleanse.
Slowly closing seat and lid
- The lid won’t slam shut, but rather slowly close.
Heated seat and water with three temperature options for each
Quick release seat for easy cleaning
- Flip a switch on the rear and pull the unit off to clean it/underneath it.
Self-cleaning wand
- Cleaned before and after each use.
Eco mode
- Will lower the temperature of the reservoir tank and the seat while not in use.
Seat sensor
- Won’t activate any of the features unless there is a booty on the bidet.
- Useful for curious kids and house guests.
Wand cleaning mode

The control paneel of the SmartBidet SB-110

The SB-110’s panel and its beautiful bounty of features.

The Pros:

Full suite of features.
- SmartBidet have crammed features up the wazoo of the SB-110. All of them are useful and everything works as you’d hope.
- The oscillate feature is especially nice. Being able to combo it with any other wash function is a major win.
- The turbo function is actually quite powerful and is just a few PSI away from an enema. Recommend for those with especially messy bathroom sessions.
Instant water heating system.
- A fantastic feature that provides instant, unlimited warm water directly to ya bum. Usually found in higher priced units, seeing this in an entry-level bidet seat is wonderfully surprising.
  With a replaceable cap, the SB-110 is easier to clean and maintain.
Replaceable nozzle cap.
- Just twist the cap and pop it off.
- This makes cleaning and maintenance a lot easier.
Durable construction.
- SmartBidet have forged a herculean bidet seat, one that can accommodate up to 440 pounds.
- Everything else feels very sturdy and built to last as well.
Clean look.
- The SB-110 was the first of SmartBidet’s attempts to redesign their bidet seats. Previously, their models looked quite utilitarian. Thankfully, the new design looks sleeker and more modern.
Great customer service.
- With any product, there will be reports of users experiencing some defective units. While this isn’t good (obviously), the SmartBidet team has been quick to respond with replacements at no cost.

The Cons:

Smaller seat opening.
- The bidet seat will be a bit smaller than your old seat in regards to the opening. This might be problematic for larger users.
Water heater can be a little erratic.
- While it functions well 90% of the time, the water heater can sometimes provide dips in temperature. While not a huge problem, it can be slightly annoying.
No pulsating/massage cleanse.
- I’ve grown to really like this feature, as have many others who suffer from hemorrhoids and/or constipation.

Final Thoughts:

Another fine Korean bidet seat. Coming from a country where bidets are the norm, the SmartBidet SB-110 provides nearly everything you could want from a bidet. For the price, SmartBidet have created a super product that should please nearly anyone.

Unless you are unwilling to go without a deodorizer and pulsating function, consider the SmartBidet SB-110 as one of the front-runners in the budget bidet realm.

Buy the SmartBidet SB-110 HERE.

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