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Luxe Bidet Neo 110 Review

by @elioverbey

Simple Functionality – The Luxe Bide Neo 110

What happens when one of the best bidet attachment makers makes the simplest of bidet attachments while using their signature high quality components and years of experience?

You get the Luxe Bidet Neo 110.

A bidet attachment with only one purpose – clean dat booty.

See how much the Neo 110 is currently going for – up to the minute pricing.

The Neo 110 is a single-nozzle, dial-operated bidet attachment without any other bells or whistles. It simply sprays a solid stream of water at your biscuit factory at a pressure of your choosing.

Luxe Bidet has made this a bidet that could be operated by anyone. Its dial is easy to turn and, and….. well….. that’s it.  That’s all there is to it!

Functionality

The simple, one-dimensional operation is a blessing for those of us who don’t care about anything but having a clean butt.

Children, grandparents and bidet novices (guests, amirite?) will all be able to easily enjoy the benefits of a mini team of firefighters with a mini-hose cleaning the dirtiest of dirties (in truth, no miniature firefighters are trapped within the bidet and forced to clean asses for a living – don’t worry).

Like all Luxe Bidets, the nozzle is behind a little protective door and also auto retracts into a small sheath after each use, keeping the experience clean.

The Neo 110 has a protective housing area for its nozzle.

You can see the nozzle’s protective housing here.

Also, like (nearly) all non-electric bidets, the nozzle isn’t directly adjustable, so you will need to do the “lil poopy” which is a very new and very cool dance which mimics the way bidet users must slightly adjust their bums in order to get proper aim with the spray.

Adjusting to the spray is easy and eventually you’ll begin to know before you even turn it on if it’s going to be zeroed-in on the target or not, just by the way you’re sitting.

Installing any bidet attachment is ridiculously easy, and the Neo 110 isn’t any different.  Simply take off your toilet seat, slide the attachment in, adjust the sliders, and then reattach your seat.

Viola, you now have a lovely bidet.

 

Luxe Bidet Neo 185 Elite Series Review

by @elioverbey

The Neo 185, available in white or blue.

The Luxe Bide Neo 185 is Luxe Bidet’s entry into dual nozzle territory (along with it’s cousin, the Neo 180).

Dual nozzles provide a way for the ladies in the house to clean their lady parts as well as booties.  For the gentlemen reading, you can still use the frontal wash if you want, just don’t blame me for the soggy sac.

In addition to the front cleansing nozzle, the Luxe Bidet Neo 185 is also equipped with Luxe Bidet’s fantastic ceramic core valves and a self cleaning mode, along with the standard bidet function.

Check up to the minute pricing of the fantastic Neo 185 here

How is the Neo 185 different from the Neo 180?

Well, on paper, they have the same specs, but take a quick peek at their pics and you’ll see that the Neo 185 sports a twist dial to control water pressure instead of the Neo 180’s pull-lever.

The Neo 180 (left) with its lever control and the Neo 185 (right) with dial control.

The Neo 180 (left) with its lever control and the Neo 185 (right) with dial control.

Some people prefer the twist dial because it can be a little more precise when it comes to adjusting water pressure, with a clearly marked ring around the dial.  The lever control on the other hand, has no such indication of pressure.  Just take your life in your hands and pull that sucker until the desired pressure is reached.

(It should be noted that I prefer the lever control for the sole reason of it feeling like a jet’s throttle instead of a coin operated candy machine.  Your preferences are sure to vary, however!)

Functionality

Both sprays are easy to control with the dual-dial design (twist the smaller nozzle left for feminine cleaning, right to activate the nozzle self wash). I found the rear spray to be just about on target, with a few lil scoots and shifts required to achieve full coverage. This shouldn’t be too much of a surprise, as bidet attachment makers simply can’t accommodate all shapes and sizes of butts – so, expect to do a little shimmying.

Not having a need for the feminine cleansing mode, I can’t directly comment on it, however my volunteer claimed it was great and the pressure was just enough on the low-medium setting to provide adequate cleaning without the pressure being overwhelming.

Overall, this is a fantastic bidet for anyone looking to make the jump to a two-nozzle system.  Solid-feeling and easy to manipulate controls, a self-rinse feature and dual nozzles that function as expected – Luxe Bidet continues to roll out booty-pleasing bidets.

One caveat to this for those in colder climates: there is no hot water function, so if your cold water is extra cold in the winter, be aware that it is this temperature that your nether-regions are going to contend with.

Luxe Bidet: A Quick look

by @elioverbey

Luxe Bidet has been on the forefront of bidet attachment production and design since 2008 when they first started in San Francisco.

With their newest bidet line, the Neo series, Luxe Bidet have set their sights on securing their place as one of the top bidet attachment manufacturers.

The Luxe Bidet Neo 320. Look at that sexy lever!

Luxe Bidet has created a line of well-built, simple to use, good looking bidet attachments with a model sure to please everyone.

From the modest Neo 110 (sporting a single nozzle and a cool-water pressure-dial) to the luxurious Neo 320 (dual nozzle, warm or cool water with a lovely lever to control pressure) and everything  in-between, Luxe Bidet has done a remarkable job of simplifying the bidet attachment buying process.

What places Luxe Bidet above many of the other affordable bidet attachment makers is their focus on high quality parts.

When you’re first installing a bidet attachment, one of the primal fears that can creep up is that of the unit leaking, flooding your house and drowning your cat.

Most bidet attachment makers have done a decent job of stopping the threat of leaking between the water line and the bidet, and if they haven’t, you can throw some plumbers’ tape on there and most likely be good.

Where other bidet attachments can come apart later down the line though, is the internal valve.

This is essentially the valve that controls how much water is going to come surging out of the bidet and onto/into/around your butt.

Luxe Bidet incorporate high-quality ceramic valves in all of their bidet attachments, making them much less likely to spring a leak while you’re off in Bali for an extended vacation, trying to convince your significant other to try the local cuisine even though they somehow already know they won’t like it.

It’s this kind of commitment to quality that has made me a huge Luxe Bidet fan, even so far as saying the Luxe Bidet Neo 320 is the best bidet attachment available last year.

Anywho, all I ask is that when you look for a bidet attachment, seriously consider Luxe Bidet.

You and your ass won’t regret it.

 

 

 

 

Brondell Thinline SimpleSpa – Review

by @elioverbey

Brondell Thinline SimpleSpa

Ridiculously inexpensive, smartly designed and simply effective.

More photos and the current price.

A quick look at the pros and cons of Brondell's newest bidet attachment.

Pros:

☑ Some of the most durable valves available - no risk of leaking.
☑ Looks fantastic compared to most other bidet attachments.
☑ Thin enough to not cause toilet seat tilt.
☑ Easy installation.
☑ Cheap		Cons:

☒ Only one nozzle means some shifting is required for a feminine cleanse.
☒ Lack of warm water may bother those sensitive to cold water.
Breakdown

Features: 7.0

Components: 9.0

Usage: 8.5

Misc: Bonus for its sleek appearance.

Total: 8.8		Bottom Line

A classic bidet attachment with modern looks. Don't expect to be blown away by its features list and stay away if warm water and feminine cleansings are a must, but Brondell has nailed the basic bidet attachment. You'd be hard pressed to find a comparably sexy and functional bidet at this price point.

The parts and features of the Brondell Thinline

First, the basics:

  • This is a bidet attachment, not a full bidet seat.
  • There is one nozzle for posterior cleaning.
  • It has a manual nozzle cleaning function.
  • It houses the nozzle behind a guard piece to keep it clean and sanitary for each use.
  • The nozzle automatically retracts after you finish using it.
  • Non-electric (uses only your home’s water pressure to operate).
  • It will fit virtually almost all two-piece toilets.
  • It comes in white only.
  • You will need a screwdriver and possibly a wrench to install.
  • The water pressure is controlled by twisting a knob.
    • Twist right for rear wash, left for nozzle cleaning.
  • One-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Pros:

  • Extremely robust, durable brass and ceramic valves.
    • It’s no surprise that Brondell has included a proprietary, high-quality valve in their new Bidet attachment.  After being in the industry for so long now, the folks over at Brondell have a good idea of what their customers expect.
  • A unique silhouette.
    • Forgoing the traditional egg-shaped control area of most other bidet attachments, Brondell has followed in the footsteps of GenieBidet and the Tushy by prioritizing the look of the unit – leaving us with a very attractive and distinctive model.
  • Extremely thin.
    • Brondell has made a point of making sure this bidet attachment doesn’t throw off the zen of your bathroom experience in any way by making an attachment that sits very comfortably under the lid of your toilet without that classic bidet attachment tilt you might experience with other bidets.  
  • Easy to install.
    • Like most bidet attachments, it will take around ten minutes to install.
    • Can be adjusted to fit nearly any toilet.  Brondell uses adjustable plates with slots to ensure it will fit no matter the dimensions of your seat’s attachment (as long as it is a two-piece toilet).
  • An one-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Cons:

  • No warm water option.
    • Definitely an issue if you live in colder areas.  The icy blast of H2O up the wazoo can be startling at best, an icy terror at worst.
  • Only one nozzle.
    • For men, no issue at all, but for women looking for a more sanitary rear AND frontal cleanse, this could be an issue.  Some scooting and shifting around solves the problem, but there are definitely other bidets which may not be quite as sexy, but can deliver frontal and rear cleansing for the same price.

Final Thoughts:

Brondell is upping their bidet attachment game and certainly raising the bar for many of the other companies who’ve been content with the same, tired designs for years now.  This bidet would suit those who are looking for an inexpensive, sleek looking bidet. If you don’t mind seasonally chilly water or shifting around a bit to get a proper feminine cleanse, definitely consider the Slimline.  If not, consider looking at the GenieBidet for a dual nozzle model (feminine and rear cleansing but trades the warm water feature for sheer sexiness) or the Luxe Neo 320 for a fully featured, if somewhat dated looking attachment.

Check out the Brondell Slimline’s price HERE.

Christmas Gifting: Why a Bidet Makes Sense

by @elioverbey

Hearing Bing Crosby croon how he’s dreaming of a white Christmas, I am immediately sure the white he’s talking about isn’t toilet paper.

In fact, many music historians agree, it’s most likely the white porcelain throne and the missing bidet that he’s longing for with all his heart.

 

I know people get annoyed at society at large for dragging the Christmas decorations out earlier and  earlier, radio stations starting 24/7 broadcasts of the halcyon songs of Yuletides past and malls and shopping centers opting to marginalize – or skip over completely – Thanksgiving in favor of its more lucrative holiday competitor.

There is, however, no point too early to start considering your budget when it comes to gift giving.  Seriously, You Need a Budget.

How could a bidet possibly justify itself as a gift?  What will your friends, family or colleagues think upon shredding the festive wrapping paper to find a posterior polisher inside?

This article aims to answer those questions as well as to give some bidet suggestions for those tough to buy for.

Here are the reasons a bidet makes a perfect, unforgettable gift.

Affordable!

  • Yes, bidets have become extremely afforda

    The Luxe Bidet 320. Best bidet attachment out there and sure to warm the hearts and asses of any and all who receive one this holiday season.

    ble.  For those on a strict budget, you can snag a very inexpensive, effective and easy to install bidet attachment.

    • Bidet attachments that I would recommend range from $25~$80
    • For the lowest possible price, choose the Astor Bidet Attachment or the Chrider Bidet with self cleaning function.
    • For looks, take a gander at the GenieBidet or the Tushy.
    • And if you want the absolute best bidet attachment for your peeps, the Luxe Bidet Neo 320 is what you should be getting.  It packs hot and cold water, a lovely lever control as well as feminine and rear cleansing options.

Check our ever growing list of bidet attachment reviews HERE!  Includes all but the Chrider Bidet, which we’re currently working on.

  • For those with a bit more leeway when it comes to your gifting budget, an entry level electric bidet will completely blow your recipients’ minds.  
    • For the absolute most inexpensive yet badass electric bidet, pick up the SmartBidet SB-1000 which includes a remote.
    • Looks-wise, the Novita Slimline is so sexy, you might get suspicious if someone takes a little extra time to use it….
    • The best entry level bidet seat is the TOTO C100  It has everything you’d want in a bidet seat…..AND MORE.  Really, check it out.

The recipient will actually use this thing!

Yes, we all know there’s nothing better than giving a gift that actually gets used and is appreciated.  From food and alcohol (seriously, just get me some whisky or beef jerky and I’ll love you forever) to external hard-drives and TVs – useful gifts rule.

You will feel so absolutely giddy hearing your giftees talk about how freaking astonishing using their new gift has been.  While you might not like all the details and information about their usage that they give you, just grin and bear it, as you can rest easy knowing you’ve changed a life or two.

Bidets are not only useful, they’re an investment.  The savings in toilet paper is fantastic as are the savings in time and aggravation.  Gone are experiences like this:

Also, as an added bonus, offer your hand at installation (give them time to make sure their toilet is clean first, don’t want to embarrass anyone), especially if the person you’re giving it to is a chronic procrastinator or isn’t confident in their plumbing ability.

It’s unique!

This probably should have been first on the list, but jeez-louise, who would ever predict a bidet to be inside the lovely, wrapped box?

The look on the face of your loved-one might be worth the price of admission alone!

Sure, they may seem shocked at first, but rest assured, as you go on to explain the benefits of a bidet and once they start imagining themselves using it – it’s game over, they’re going to be infatuated already.

People love upgrades, especially to their home.  The bidet is a perfect way for someone you hold dear to do that.

A bidet is more than an ass-sprayer, it’s a way to say “I love you”. <3

Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet For Faucet – Review

by @elioverbey

Connect directly to your faucet.

Connect directly to your faucet.

Pros:

☑ Incredibly easy installation.
☑ Can find the perfect water temperature.
☑ Still able to use your sink normally.
☑ Great wand/nozzle operation with ingenious 360 degree thumb control.
☑ Durable components.		Cons:

☒ Metallic coating easily chips.
☒ Hose and faucet attachment clutter your sink area.
Breakdown

Features: 8.0

Components: 7.5

Usage: 9.2

Misc: Bonus points for ease of installation and niche filling.

Total: 8.4		Bottom Line

The Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet For Faucets is a clever device that functions very well and can be effortlessly installed and operated by anyone, nearly anywhere, with only your thumb. Fantastic for those who find themselves frequently in hotels. Slightly annoying cosmetic damage can occur and it can be obtrusive for those looking for a permanent home-bidet solution, however, as the hose and faucet attachment take up valuable sink-space.

Check out the Aquaus 360 For Faucets on Amazon.

Manufactured by RinseWorks, a small Floridian company, the Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet is a novel and convenient, if somewhat obtrusive handheld bidet (also known as a shattaf).  With the 360 For Faucets, RinseWorks has forgone linking the bidet to the water supply directly via a t-adapter, and opted for connecting right to the faucet in your bathroom’s sink.

Features

The valve that attaches to the sink is sturdy and well-made.

The valve that attaches to the sink is sturdy and well-made.

Rinseworks has put a lot of effort into making their Aquaus 360 line of handheld bidets tick all of the boxes when it comes to affordable dingleberry removers.  First, as previously mentioned, it is easily attached to nearly any threaded sink which has a large  large (15/16) aerator gauge, instead of tapping into the water line directly (if you have a small (13/16) aerator gauge, your local hardware store should have an adapter for you).  This valve can easily switch between feeding your faucet or bidet water – just flip the switch.  This should appeal to those who don’t want to deal with the minor plumbing required to attach a bidet to the water lines.  Also, it is quite a useful feature when it comes to water temperature – just find the right temperature while the valve is supplying the faucet water, then flip that bad boy into bidet mode.

This works very well for those who spend a lot of time in hotels while travelling or in a caretaker role, as the device is easily moved and

attached/removed.  However, I can’t recommend this for most users who desire a permanent bidet solution because, honestly, the line running from the faucet to the bidet is annoying and totally throws my bathroom feng-shui out of alignment.  Fortunately, Rinseworks also makes the Aquaus 360 Handheld Bidet Sprayer For Toilets which connects directly to the water line and avoids the pesky faucet umbilical cord (Quick note, the Aquaus 360 for toilets is great, however, it differs from non-handheld bidets like attachments and bidet seats due to the fact that you MUST shut off the t-valve connection after each use which can be annoying).

The handheld wand is also a wonderful little piece of equipment.  Its most distinctive feature is its 360 degree, thumb-operated water pressure control.  As seen in the image below, the control is a dial that can be either pushed or pulled by your  thumb and works on both sides of the bidet handle.  It can be used from the front and the behind without any annoying adjustments or toying with the device.  It just works.

The standard length of the nozzle is 3″, and should work well for most people.  Thankfully, for those of us that like a longer nozzle, there is a thoughtful 5″ extension tube that can effectively make the nozzle nearly 8″ once attached.  There is also a mounting bracket that hooks into your toilet tank so that the wand can easily be mounted on the outside of the tank.  Weirdly, there have been quite a few reports of this mounting not being quite the right size for the wand and some users needing multiple attempts to get the wand to stay put.

Construction

The ceramic valve is very durable and should last for at least 10 years.

The Aquaus uses a few different materials in the construction of this handheld bidet.  The valve which attaches to the faucet is solid brass and feels very sturdy and functions well without leaks.

The metal hose is stainless steel and works as well as you could expect.  Nothing wrong with it.

The wand itself is where things get a  bit more muddied.  RinseWorks says the wand is made from “heavy-duty ABS polymers, a super

strong engineered blend of polymer materials just as strong and durable as stainless steel or brass sprayers, except light weight, corrosion proof and easy to handle.” and features a “Brass valve cartridge with ceramic disk seals with a burst rating of 250 PSI with an average lifespan of 10 to 15 years of use.”  Now, I’ve no reason to doubt this, as the wand has shown itself to be extremely durable and the spraying capabilities of the wand work wonderfully.  However, the metallic coating on the wand is quite easy to chip and can very quickly make your lil’ bidet buddy look cheap and crappy (pun, yeaaa boi).  This, coupled with the somewhat insecure mounting bracket is certainly annoying and may make you wish for a full metal construction.

Usage

Handy dandy guide on frontal and rear cleansing with the Aquaus.

Handy dandy guide on frontal and rear cleansing with the Aquaus.

Using the Aquaus is a treat.  Being able to have total control over where the sprayer is doing work can feel more satisfying than many bidet seats or attachments where you will need to shift your bum or use a control panel to adjust the water stream.  I’d compare using this handheld bidet versus a traditional bidet seat to driving a manual car versus an automatic.

The pressure is controlled by both the wand as well as your faucet.  Turning the faucet all the way on will give the bidet wand a boost of pressure, while using less pressure from the faucet will do the opposite.  No matter how high the faucet is turned up, the bidet won’t actually start spraying until you turn the dial on the wand itself. Using the dial is very easy; it’s simple to adjust the pressure up or down by manipulating the dial with just your thumb.  Whether you’re cleaning from the front or back, RinseWorks has certainly made a case for the 360 degree control dial.

In most categories the Aquaus 360 For Faucets excels, although the areas in which it doesn’t can be deal breakers. The sink-cluttering effect of this models defining feature – the faucet connection – can be overlooked if you’re using the Aquaus primarily for travel, otherwise, attaching and detaching the device can be annoying (and potentially impossible if you’ve got an emergency poo that just can’t wait).  The easily chipped metallic coating on the wand and the not-quite-right mounting bracket are also annoyances.  Looking past all this and you have a wonderfully functional bidet that could benefit those who travel, are caretakers or are just wary of doing any type of plumbing.

Enter the Tushy

by @elioverbey

The Tushy is an attractive, effective and easy to install bidet attachment. How is does it compare vs other brands?

It’s with increasing frequency that new combatants enter the ring in the fight for toilet supremacy.  This is, of course, a delight to us on the sidelines, cheering for the underdogs to unseat the complacent kings of old.

With bidet attachments, this is especially exciting, as competition in the market has devolved into clone wars, with most companies putting out barely indistinguishable products with the same features and looks.

See how much the ol’ Tushy Classic is going for HERE

The Brand

Tushy or: How I Learned to Stop Being Embarrassed and Love the Poo.

What you'd look like on a Tushy

We don’t recommend crossing your legs while bidet-ing.

Enter the Tushy; surfing onto the scene atop a board of attitude on a mile-high wave of cool. Created by Miki Agrawal, the straightforward marketing genius who is behind pee and period-proof ladies underwear; the Tushy is aimed simply at “people who poop”.

Through Miki’s guidance, the Tushy brand has been able to separate itself from most of its competitors by bringing a totally different image to the bidet buffet line that potential buyers must trundle through.

What you see when you scoot your bum over to the Tushy website is miles ahead of the sterile, textbookish pages run by some other bidet brands. There are poop-jokes aplenty, gifs, and a ‘mobilize the masses’ call to action found throughout that is exactly what is needed to bring a younger audience into the world of true poo-phoria.

Not only will you feel like a true badass when you order a Tushy, you’ll also feel like a saintly goodass, as each unit sold benefits the Samagra organization which is working hard to provide more public toilets to those in need in India.

Bamboo towels and toilet paperAlong with the bidet attachments themselves, Tushy is pushing hard for the sale of bamboo toilet paper and towels for drying – an environmentally friendlier alternative to traditional TP.

A smart move by Tushy, as most people who buy a bidet are at least partially motivated by the environmental benefits they tout.

The Product

A classic bidet attachment with an inventive style.

The three colors of tushy are classic, royale and noir.

Three flavors of Tushy: Classic, Royale and Noir

While the Tushy brings little new to the table in terms of functionality, the look of the thing is what has me most excited.  Much like the GenieBidet, the team at Tushy has taken aim at the stale, horrifically boring, cookie-cutter design of most of the competition.

The design is modern and while not exactly elegant, it has a minimal aesthetic that is hard not to like.  In my eyes, it’s in a different level altogether from 90% of the other bidet attachments  on the market.  It comes in three color options: Classic, Royale, and Noir.

The features of the Tushy are quite standard: there are two models available, one with cold water only and another with the option for hot and cold water.  Both units feature a cheeky little switch below the control dials that changes the angle of the nozzle.  This is a neat change from the typical dual-nozzle solution most bidets opt for when confronted with cleaning both the bum and feminine The Noir Warm and Cool Tushy and the Classic Cool Tushycleansing.

The installation is just as easy as with other bidet attachments.  Tushy has opted for fitting rails as opposed to discs that will adjust to fit nearly any toilet.

There is an installation video provided by Tushy as well, which I’m going to include here so that you can get a feel for the type of company image Tushy is trying to cultivate (even if you don’t have one or already know how to install a bidet attachment, it’s worth a view).

The Tushy looks poised to usher in a new era of butt-hygiene awareness amongst young people, and that is worth recognizing.  While the product itself is far from revolutionary, its looks and marketing strategy are certainly worth talking about.

Do your rumpus a favor and check out the Tushy here.

Bidet Attachments – What are they?

by @elioverbey

Most people know what a bidet is, but what is a bidet attachment?

We can all agree that having a clean butt is exhilarating.  Walking, sitting, running, dancing, combing, eating, clapping, yawning – everything feels better with a hygienic heinie.

Bidets provide a way to keep your rear feeling as if you’ve just showered after every toilet-bound adventure.

Unfortunately, the high-tech, robotic, bordering on sentient toilet seat bidets popularized by Japan come at a price premium, with most worthwhile models costing $250 or more.

What if you don’t need a robot getting comfortable with your private areas?

What if all you want is a fresh fart canyon?

In that case, a bidet toilet attachment is exactly what you’re looking for.

Read on to learn the basics of what exactly a bidet toilet attachment is, and which ones are the best of the bunch.

A bidet attachment attached to a two-piece toilet

Bidet attachments LOVE your toilet.

Parts of a bidet attachment.

Bidet attachments are blissfully simple devices that – you guessed it – attach to your toilet.  They don’t replace your existing toilet seat; they instead make their new home in the area between your toilet seat and the rim of the toilet itself.

A bidet attachment will have a control panel on the right side (sorry, lefties!).

This will have a couple dials or a lever which you can use to control the water pressure, temperature and function (nozzle cleaning, feminine wash, rear wash).

 

Connected to the control panel is a thin plastic housing which is going to be nestled between your toilet seat and toilet rim.

This piece will have some form of mounting to attach it to your toilet.  Usually this means rotating or sliding plates that allow the unit to be easily connected to nearly any two-piece toilet.

It also contains the water connection from the control panel to the bidet nozzle, usually in the form of a very small hose.

 

Finally, we arrive at the stalwart workhorse of any bidet, the bidet nozzle.

Depending on which model you have, there will be either one or two nozzles (for front and rear washing).

Every mechanical bidet’s nozzle will automatically retract after use, with some also being self cleaning.

This means that when you stop the flow of water, the nozzle will retract into its housing to protect it from the ungodly fluids and particles that love to hang out in toilets.

The parts of a mechanical bidet.

The anatomy of a bidet attachment.

How does a bidet attachment work?

After reading the appetizer sections about the basics of mechanical bidets and their parts, we’re finally ready to dive into the main course, the bidet-mignon, if you will – actually using your new bathroom upgrade.

So, how do you use a bidet attachment?

  1. Mount your throne, for this is the first step to attaining cleanliness of the booty.
  2. Pinch a loaf, maybe two, weary traveler; for to become clean, you must first dirty thyself.
  3. When relieved of excess baggage (worry not, emotional baggage can also be shed here in this place of peace), peer to your right and lower thy gaze until the panel of impending purity enters your view.
  4. Manipulate the controls, select thy desired temperature (brace thyself if warmer waters are unavailable, for winter is coming to your southern kingdoms) and pressure.  Beware! Do not directly jump to the highest pressure setting; as the philosopher Epictetus once warned, “If one oversteps the bounds of moderation, the greatest pleasures cease to please.”
  5. Adjust thyself to suitably align with the cleansing beam which comes forth from the noble nozzle of neatness. Be not afraid, this bodily adjustment may indeed need to be repeated several times within the same cleansing session, as some filthy, malicious particles will no doubt try to escape the reach of the waters of wellness at the outset.
  6. When thou hath been satisfactorily purified, engage in barter with the nearby roll of toilet paper.  Mayhaps one square will be adequate for drying?  Mayhaps two?  No matter, you have lessened the paper merchant’s power in this realm by reducing your kingdom’s need for his products.
  7. Stand proud and go forth, secure in the knowledge that you are fair, pure and unburdened by worry.

In other words, sit down, do your business, select the appropriate temperature and pressure, open the flow of water, adjust your rear to ensure the whole area gets sprayed, dry yourself off and get on with your day.

Ned Stark using a bidet attachment

Initially, Ned didn’t want the throne, but that’s nothing a bidet attachment couldn’t change.

How do you choose the right bidet attachment?

This section is going to be quite straightforward, as there really aren’t THAT many variables to juggle when it comes to bidet attachments.

  • Quality components

For me, the most important feature of any mechanical bidet is going to be the quality of its parts.  Look for bidet attachments that use ceramic and metal valves.

It is possible to find decent bidets with plastic valves (this Astor Bidet comes to mind), but I prefer the potential for true longevity offered by sturdier construction.

  • Warm water or nah

Jack Torrance frozen by cold water from a bidet.

All cold water and no warm water make Jack an uncomfortable boy.

When deciding between a bidet attachment that has warm water and one that doesn’t, consider these two factors:

Do you live in an area that has a true winter with very cold months?

Are you sensitive to cool or cold water? 

If you answered yes to either of those, you might want to seriously consider opting for a warm-water option.

Living in Michigan for most of my life, I can attest to the incredibly uncomfortable temperatures our cold water could reach during the winter.

If I had to spray my moneymaker with that level of hellish, numbing cold, I’d probably just go back to using toilet paper.  It’s sad, but true.

  • Will this bidet be used by any ladies

Unless you’re a dude who is living alone, consider getting a bidet attachment that features two nozzles.

One will be for the traditional rear cleansing, while the other will spray a gentler, more diffuse spray more forward for feminine cleaning.

It is great for everyday hygiene of the area as well as extremely nice to have during monthly periods.

That’s right, a bidet or a bidet attachment can help with the mess of monthly periods.

  • Lever or dial control

Dial operated mechanical bidet versus a lever operated mechanical bidet

Dial v Lever Operation

This is a minor variable and comes down to personal preference.

Do you want to control the water pressure and temperature with dials or a lever?

I prefer a lever because it streamlines the control panel, looks cooler (in my opinion) and feels better to use (also, only my opinion here).

Some prefer dials as they feel they have more control over pressure than with a lever, although I haven’t found this to be the case.

Some of the leading bidet attachments compared:
Astor Fresh Water BidetLuxe Neo 180Luxe Neo 320Superior Bidet Supreme
Ceramic Valves?No, plasticYesYesYes
Warm Water?NoNoYesYes
Feminine Cleanse?NoYesYesYes
Average Price~$30~$50~$70~$100

Take a look at our review of the Luxe Bidet Neo 320, my personal pick for the best bidet attachment, or feast your eyes on our expanding list of bidet attachment reviews.

Superior Bidet Supreme Review

by @elioverbey

The Superior Bidet Supreme Review

A surprisingly expensive bidet attachment.  Does it have the features to justify its steep price?

More photos and the current price.

ProsCons
Metal valve construction.Pricey compared to others
Full-featured.No innovation or unique qualities.
Easy to operate control panel.

First, the basics:

  • This is a bidet attachment, not a full bidet seat.
  • There are two nozzles; one for posterior cleaning and another for feminine cleaning.
  • It has a nozzle cleaning function.
  • Non-electric (uses only your home’s water pressure to operate).
  • It will fit virtually any toilet.
  • It comes in white with gray accents.
  • You will need a screwdriver and a wrench to install.
  • All functions are controlled by turning one of the three dials.
  • The nozzles automatically retract when the bidet isn’t being used.
  • There is a splash-guard that blocks both nozzles and their housing from coming into contact with bodily fluids.
  • Angle of the nozzles can be adjusted by tilting their housing forward or backward.
  • One-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Pros:

  • Metal internal valves.
    • Always a pro, for me.  Not having to worry about brittle plastic valves shattering like teenage hearts is reassuring and bodes well for a long-lasting product.
  • Provides all functions expected of a top-tier non-electric bidet.
    • There’s nozzle cleaning, hot and cold water and dual  nozzles.
  • Easy operation via control panel.
    • Clearly labeled controls and easy to manipulate dials.
  • Easy to install.
    • Installing a bidet-attachment could very well be your first exposure to the world of plumbing.  Thankfully, Superior Bidet keeps it simple like most others and shouldn’t be a challenge for anyone without dexterity or strength issues.
    • Can be adjusted to fit nearly any toilet.  Superior Bidet uses adjustable plates with slots to ensure it will fit no matter the dimensions of your seat’s attachment (as long as it is a two-piece toilet).
      • An installation video provided by Superior Bidet:

         

  • The nozzles automatically extend and retract and are protected by a splash-guard.

    • When you activate the water, the desired nozzle will extend and begin to spray.
    • When you stop the flow of water, the nozzle retracts, keeping it clean for the next use.
    • The splash-guard blocks the nozzles and their housing from the front and opens like a door so that you can easily access the nozzle itself.
  • A one-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Cons:

  • Completely standard.
    • What I mean by this is that while it functions well and is fairly durable, Superior Bidet has done nothing to set them apart from other bidet attachments.
    • This isn’t a big con, but with this bidet attachment costing more than most others, I’d expect some innovation.
  • Another case of a cold-water plastic t-adapter.
    • For the price, Superior Bidet could surely have included two metal t-adapters  instead of one.
    • A leaky t-adapter can destroy a floor like a fedora can destroy your reputation. Once again, I would recommend not chancing a leak and buying a metal t-adapter along with the bidet.
  • Raises the back of the toilet seat up, creating a slight forward angle.
    • This can be slightly uncomfortable as well as a bit unattractive.
    • This is inherent in bidet attachments, however.  Any other bidet attachment review is going to mention the same problem.
    • An easy fix is available, as most home-improvement stores offer toilet seat risers to increase the height of the front of the seat, so that it is level.

Final Thoughts:

Superior Bidet has done a good job of providing a solid, functional bidet that will squirt you with the best of them.  Unfortunately, it doesn’t do this in an innovative or elegant way which I would expect for its premium price.  I would recommend this bidet for those who like the control panel and color scheme, as everything else is very comparable to other, cheaper bidet attachments.

Check out the Superior Bidet Supreme’s price HERE.

GenieBidet AB-2000 Review

by @elioverbey

The GenieBidet AB-2000

The GenieBidet AB-2000

A beautiful, thin, unique bidet attachment with functional cold-water front and rear cleanse. GenieBidet raises the bar.

More photos and the current price.

ProsCons
Refreshingly unique appearance.No warm water.
Satisfying knob operation.Still raises seat back enough to create slight gap between seat and rim.
Thinner than most bidet attachments.No manual nozzle cleaning option.
Dual nozzles or rear and feminine cleansing.

First, the GenieBidet’s basics:

  • This is a bidet attachment, not a full bidet seat.
  • There are two nozzles; one for posterior cleaning and another for feminine cleaning.
  • It has an automatic nozzle cleaning function.
  • Non-electric (uses only your home’s water pressure to operate).
  • It will fit virtually almost all two-piece toilets.
  • It comes in white only.
  • You will need a screwdriver and possibly a wrench to install.
  • The water pressure is controlled by twisting a knob.
    • Twist right for feminine cleanse, left for rear wash.
  • The nozzle automatically retracts after you finish using it.
  • One-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Pros:

  • Solid brass t-adapter and ceramic valves.
    • This is something I have come to think of as required in a bidet attachment.  GenieBidet are following the trend of providing slightly more costly bidet attachments that have much higher quality.
  • Striking looks.
    • The GenieBidet attachment is so different from other bidets in terms of appearance.  It is thinner (about 1/8”) than most others and sports a minimalist knob as the bidet control.
    • If you want something that looks nothing like the other, mostly boring bidet attachments, there aren’t many other options.
  • Easy to install.
    • Like most bidet attachments, it will take around ten minutes to install.
    • Can be adjusted to fit nearly any toilet.  GenieBidet uses adjustable plates with slots to ensure it will fit no matter the dimensions of your seat’s attachment (as long as it is a two-piece toilet).
  • Dual nozzles.
    • For around $40 at most vendors, the GenieBidet manages to impress with separate nozzles for rear and feminine cleansing.
  • An one-year manufacturer’s warranty.

The Cons:

  • No warm water option.
    • The GenieBidet AB-2000 is sleek to a fault.  The minimalist design leaves no room for a warm water connection or control.
    • Could be an issue in colder areas.
  • Raises the back of the toilet seat up, creating a slight forward angle.
    • Despite being the thinnest bidet attachment I’ve seen, there is still a gap that is created after installing, despite GenieBidet advertising the opposite.
    • Not a big problem, as toilet seat risers are available and, honestly, the gap created is hardly noticeable once you’ve sat down.

Final Thoughts on the GenieBidet AB-2000:

Buy the GenieBidet toilet seat attachment if your primary concern (besides cleaning your dumper) is appearance.  If you’ve looked at numerous other bidet attachments before arriving here, I’m sure you’ve noticed how they all look like siblings.  The GenieBidet may lack hot water and a manual cleansing function, but it cleans well and looks fabulous.

Check out the GenieBidet AB-2000’s price HERE.